Finneran: Freedom Fighter
Sunday, September 01, 2019
THE SCENE: Boston Common.
THE EVENT: A press conference with AOC or some other political darling of the Boston Globe.
THE TOPIC: Saving the world and other modest goals.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTTHE WISEGUY: Some wise-ass from Eastie, Southie, or Dorchester who had a few beers for lunch and is now having fun as an imitation issue-oriented reporter…………
AOC: “We have less than 20 minutes to save the planet. And my plan will…….
WISEGUY, interrupting: “Will I have time for a smoke and another beer?”
AOC: “As I was saying, my plan is a comprehensive strategy to curb gas……….
WISEGUY, interrupting: “I’m passing gas here every other minute. Does your plan target me and my friends?”
AOC: “Not only is my plan comprehensive, but it is globally strategic………..
WISEGUY, interrupting: “What’s that on your shoe?”
AOC: “Huh?” Looking down—“Oh, bleep”.
WISEGUY: “Yeah, that’s what I thought too. It looks like you stepped right in it walking across the Common”.
AOC, regaining her composure and ignoring the mess on her shoe: “The Globe has endorsed my comprehensive woke global strategy…….”
WISEGUY, interrupting: “Perhaps the Globe has someone here to clean your shoe while you continue your crucial work to save the world.”
ASSEMBLED GLOBE REPORTERS, eyeing their loafers, emit an audible groan—THE LEAD REPORTER mutters “Oh no. Not again. I ran out of paper towels after I crossed the Common earlier today.”
WISEGUY, laughing: “You guys keep printing the stuff you keep wiping off your shoes”.
AOC, droning on for thirty minutes, asks: “Are there any questions?”
WISEGUY asks: “Do you clean your own shoes? Do you realize that the world ended ten minutes ago, while you were still speaking? Do I have time for last call? Can you postpone your comprehensive multi-trillion dollar attack on cow flatulence and settle for addressing the goose poop problem? And why won’t Canada accept our export of Canada geese?
AOC: “Your Koch brothers-funded assault on behalf of fossil fuels will not deter me from saving the world. And your xenophobic attack on Canada and their iconic goose is shameful. Onward we march, in the vanguard of the woke, on behalf of the ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ marginalized communities around the world, fighting for freedom…………….
WISEGUY, humming the Peter, Paul, and Mary song “When Will They Ever Learn” and interrupting: “Burp. Tell me again, what’s that on your shoe? And before you take a hike, take a hint---try saving the playground before saving the planet. Neighborhood kids actually come here and they don’t get to have Globe reporters cleaning their shoes.”
AOC departs, slipping and sliding through the goose goop to her air-conditioned SUV.
This is leadership in 2019.
Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio
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