Level 3 Sex Offender Registers In Lincoln - 5 Steps Adults Can Take to Keep Kids Safe

Monday, December 09, 2019

Keith Smith, Guest MINDSETTER™

 

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Keith Smith

Sex offender registration laws, social media, the net, cable and broadcast TV have brought this age-old issue to the forefront, raising our awareness of predators among us.

I grew up on Cecile Street in Fairlawn-Lincoln, graduated from Lincoln High School in ‘77 and Providence College in ‘81.  

In 1974, at the age of 14, I was abducted on Great Road in Lincoln then beaten and raped in the woods off of Sherman Avenue.

The guy who attacked me, a stranger, was a previously convicted predator, a Central Falls resident who had been arrested several times for sex crimes committed against children before he attacked me.

He was arrested and indicted for what he did to me, then beaten to death in 1975 before he could go to trial.

As a survivor of a stranger-danger abduction, beating and rape I want to say the threat to children you know and love is presented not only by strangers but more often by people known to you and your kids; family, friends, neighbors, teachers, coaches, priests, ministers, doctors, lawyers, bus drivers, cops, firemen, carpenters, plumbers, bankers, brokers, employed, unemployed, rich, broke, young, old, respected in the community, unknowns, people from families that have lived in your neighborhood for generations, and those new to town. There’s no stereotypical sexual predator.

I’m writing not to tell my story, but to share my personal experience, what I’ve learned over the years, and to share with you, 5 Steps You Can Take to Keep Kids Safe.  I hope it helps in this time when we’re all searching for answers.
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Five Steps You Can Take to Keep Kids Safe

Step 1.       Know the Facts

Approximately 30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by blood-relative family members; parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents.

An incremental 60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by someone known to them, non-family members including neighbors, teachers, coaches, clergy, instructors, camp counselors, babysitters, step-parents, older kids in the neighborhood and friends of the family.
Fewer than 10% of children who are sexually abused are assaulted by strangers.

Less than 1% of children who are sexually abused are abducted and assaulted by strangers. Although very real, and it happened to me, the “Stranger Danger” risk of a child being abducted and sexually assaulted by a stranger is very low.

While “Stranger Danger” abductions and sexual assault are rare, the risk is very high. Odds are 50-50 if a child is abducted and sexually assaulted by a stranger, and the abduction lasts over 3 hours, the child will be murdered.

While we teach our kids to be aware of strangers, the facts show that over 90% of sexual assaults perpetrated against children are committed by someone known to the child.  Since that’s the case, the risk you face may not be from the stranger at the park, but from the very person, you allow to take your child to the park.

Step 2.       Know the Signs

There are physical, emotional and behavioral signs that could indicate sexual abuse.
Physical signs include bruises, swelling, pain, rashes, cuts, bed wetting, self-mutilation, excessive weight gain or excessive weight loss.

Emotional signs manifest themselves when a normally happy, healthy, social child suddenly becomes withdrawn, sullen, sad or depressed. Or when a child experiences recurring nightmares, is unable or unwilling to sleep or experiences and discusses thoughts of suicide.

Behavioral signs can be seen when a child becomes excessively combative or exceptionally defiant. Some children no longer want to do things they liked to do or no longer want to be with people they liked to spend time with in the past. Behavioral signs can also appear in the form of age inappropriate sexual behavior, drug and alcohol abuse and suicide attempts.
Be aware that sometimes there are no signs at all.

While the presence of some of these physical, emotional or behavioral signs may be associated with, or dismissed as “adolescence,” we should be aware they are well known, documented warning signs of sexual abuse.

Step 3.       Know What to Do

Since over 90% of sex crimes committed against children are committed by either family members or someone known to the child, we should minimize the amount of alone time any child spends in one-on-one situations with an adult.

Demand that adults with access to children involved in school, school bus transportation, extracurricular activities, sport programs, summer camps, music, dance, gymnastics, skating or other one-on-one teaching lessons are subject to mandatory background checks.

Don’t leave children in the care of adults with known alcohol or drug problems.  Nothing more needs to be said.
Understand why a child might not tell. Children remain silent because of manipulation and misplaced guilt, shame, fear and to protect others.  If you suspect abuse and your child won’t tell, don’t assume abuse isn’t happening.  If you suspect abuse, trust your instinct, understand why a child might not tell and get help.

Use positive stories in the news as a catalyst for discussion. When you hear about the next Amber Alert, discuss it with your child. Let kids know that there is a system in place that alerts adults and law enforcement that a child needs help. The next time the news reports a missing child being reunited with their family, talk about it. Fear is the tool of the perpetrator.  As scared as a child may be during an assault, or an abduction, if they know that people are looking for them, if they know people are going to help them, the child may find some peace and hope in those thoughts.  Positive stories in the news, discussed with children before they need to rely on them, may just be the hope they need to get through their own experience.
Tell your child now, that you will believe them, they can trust you and you will help them. One way perpetrators manipulate their child victim is by telling the child no one will believe them. If a child knows before they’re abused, that you will believe them, that they can trust you and that you will help them, you’ve taken away the perpetrators leverage over the innocent child.

Step 4.       Know Where to Go

If you suspect child sexual abuse, call the cops. If you can’t or won’t call the police, I understand. Fortunately, anonymous and confidential help is available, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Consider reaching out to RAINN, the Rape Abuse Incest National Network at 1-800-656-HOPE. RAINN’s website is  www.rainn.org

Step 5.       Know What to Say

I pray that you’ll never, ever need to know what to say, but should a child ever disclose to you that they’ve been sexually abused, the child needs to hear you say, I believe you. You can trust me. I will help you.

I loved growing up as a kid in Lincoln, especially in Fairlawn. I hope every kid growing up there today will do so too, safe from sexual abuse, sexual assault and rape by family members, people they know and yes, strangers.

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Keith Smith, the author of Men in My Town, is a Survivor of a Stranger Abduction Rape and a Keynote Speaker on the topic of Childhood Sexual Abuse.

The story of Keith’s assault and his transition from sexual assault victim to survivor has been featured in newspapers and magazines and his program, ‘5 Steps You Can Take to Keep Kids Safe’ has been discussed on radio and television.

Keith’s story has been covered by the New York Times. He participated in Oprah Winfrey’s award-winning show, 200 Male Survivors of Childhood Sexual Abuse, was featured on Perspective: New Jersey with ABC Investigative Reporter Nora Muchanic and appeared on Anderson Cooper’s Special, State of Shame: The Penn State Sex Abuse Scandal.

More information is available at www.MenInMyTown.wordpress.com
 

 

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