Fit for Life: Nobody Cares

Saturday, December 16, 2023

Matt Espeut, Health & Lifestyle Contributor

 

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Last Sunday, I created a little mindset hack or a quote to tell myself when things aren't going as expected or I am not feeling 100%. Since I thought up these words of wisdom to live by, they have been helping me avoid the victim mindset and move on to accomplishing what I intend.

 

This quote came to fruition as I drove to the gym to meet one of my coaches for our weekly weekend beatdown. I was a little tired, and my body was sore, and when he asked me how I was feeling, I told him just that. I said I wasn't feeling great, my knee and elbow were sore, and I was not looking forward to this workout.

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It hit me almost immediately after the last word came out of my mouth. The new quote I have been incorporating into my daily vocabulary this past week is "Nobody cares but you".

 

So after he asked me how I was feeling, and I complained a bit, I immediately said, "Nobody cares but me," so I will shut up with the complaining from this point on and go crush this workout. He laughed, and that's precisely what we did; we crushed a killer workout!!

 

Don't take me for someone who lacks compassion and empathy because that's the furthest from the truth. Still, I have very little tolerance for the victim mindset when it comes to insignificant, trivial bullshit that holds people back from doing what they are supposed to do or need to do to reach a specific outcome.

 

When you adopt the mindset that nobody cares but you, it flips a switch and makes you realize that although someone may show some concern, they don't care about your issue as much as you do, and it's up to you to get over it and move on.

 

Let me give you some examples.

 

A couple of weeks ago, someone broke my passenger side window while I was parked on Atwells Ave., having dinner with my dad and his wife. We took separate cars, and they were parked across the street. We walked out together, and they walked to their car. When I got in mine, I felt a draft as I watched them enter their vehicle. I looked over and saw the broken glass, waited until they pulled away, then got out and assessed the situation. I looked through my truck and noticed nothing was missing, then proceeded home to vacuum the glass and seal the window.

 

Someone asked if I called the police, and I said no. I wanted to avoid utilizing the Providence Police's resources to come out and look at a broken window on a Saturday night when there are far more significant issues in the city for them to deal with.

 

My thought process at the time was, how important is this issue? And how would calling the police solve it?

The answer is that they wouldn't, and it would be a waste of time.

In that particular incident, nobody cared but me, and it was my problem.

 

The following week, numerous people asked me what happened to my window, so I told the story, got some similar tales told back to me, got a few "that sucks" responses, then moved on. People showed some concern. However, nobody cared but me.

 

This past week, the big topic was the Washington Bridge. Everyone is up in arms, and people are freaking out. Yes, it's a big deal and will cripple commuting for a while. However, we need to put things in perspective. Remember that people in Los Angeles and New York experience this type of traffic every day, and the people in Ukraine are having their cities and bridges destroyed by war.

 

So when you arrive a bit frazzled and delayed by the traffic, just remember, nobody cares but you. When you adopt this mindset, you realize that these words hold some truth and stop dwelling on the problem as much.

Yes, this is going to suck for a while, but now you know this and need to deal with it.

 

One last example comes after listening to a family member describe how several friends have a laundry list of ailments. All health-related, and all of the people portrayed could be lessening the degree of their problems with a lifestyle change, yet refuse to do so.

 

After listening to the stories and giving my feedback, I told my family members it's hard to care too much about someone's situation when they don't care enough about themselves to make a change. In some instances, people like to complain to get sympathy, which makes them feel good when someone feels bad for them.

 

The truth is that even when we feel bad for someone, it's hard to care when they don't and just want to feel like a victim.

 

When it comes to helping members get results, our team cares and makes a diligent effort to get them results, but I always tell members that it won't work if we care and want it more than they do. It's a gratifying job when folks step up, lose their excuses, and conquer their goals. However, it's incredibly frustrating when they don't. We can't care more than you on this one; however, sometimes we do and feel defeated when we fail to change someone for the better.

 

Some exceptions are when a family member falls upon hard times or something tragic happens, we can all express genuine care and concern. I care that my nephew gets his life on track and finds success. I care when someone loses a loved one. I care when I hear stories of kids being neglected and abused. We all show care and concern for people who are dealt a lousy hand when circumstances that are out of their control happen.

 

We are human and have empathy.

 

However, when you arrive late due to traffic, your I phone stops working, you are tired, your car gets a flat, your flight gets delayed, someone steals a package from your front door, your favorite team loses, you get rejected on a promotion, you binge ate because you were upset, they sold out of your size, you had to work late, you stepped in dog crap (yes this happened to me)……… NOBODY CARES BUT YOU, so move on, overcome adversity, and live your life.

 

Coach Matt

 

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