Fit for Life: Lessons from a Funeral

Saturday, December 09, 2023

 

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PHOTO: File

This week, I was asked to be a Pallbearer at my best friends mothers funeral, and of course, I accepted the honor.

I have been friends with this guy since the 4th grade, which was 46 years ago if you really need to know the math, so, obviously, I know the family very well.

 

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When you think of funerals, you think of a somber and sad environment. However, this one was a little different. Yes, there was sadness and the feeling of loss, but I noticed that the conversations I was having with my friend throughout the time we spent in church were more of a celebration of her life than a loss due to her death.

 

I even noticed that at one time, I felt a little disrespectful, as we were both having full, deep belly laughs while standing over her casket and telling stories about her. Still, it made my friend happy as we were reminiscing about the good times instead of dwelling on gloom and doom topics.

 

She was 91 and lived a very vital life. Until a year ago, she walked through Central Falls, took busses to the Lincoln Mall, shopped, and spent time with her grandchildren. Her final year was spent at home, with my buddy and his family caring for her.

 

She lived on her terms, and she died in the most favorable situation, at home, around her family.

 

So why am I telling you all this when you don't even know this woman or my friend?

Like everything else in life, there are lessons to be learned, and I have a few lessons to share that I learned from this woman, as well as attending her funeral.

 

    1.    Live a life that will make folks celebrate you instead of mourn your death. Personally, when I die, there will be nothing to cry about. I want people talking about how I impacted their lives and changed them for the better. Talk about the good times we had, have a laugh, and never feel sorry for me. Until now, I have lived a life with few regrets and have done many things that enabled me to enjoy it. I advise you to do the same. Find out what is important to you and either start or keep doing it.

    2.    Don't stop moving. This woman was over 90 years old and walked every day. She could have stayed cooped up in the house feeling sorry for herself, yet she kept her mind and body functioning by getting outside daily.

    3.    Make no excuses. When I say she walked outside every day, I mean every day. Not just on the days it was warm and sunny, but she was out moving in the rain, sleet, and snow. We can all learn from this, as it becomes extremely easy to make excuses and choose the path of least resistance when things become difficult and uncomfortable.

    4.    Eat well. The family is from Greece, so they don't subscribe to the Standard American Diet (SAD), which is full of processed crap. Even my friend's wife, who is considerably younger, adopts the tradition of making their food from scratch. I am convinced that this was a factor in this woman's longevity. I have a grandmother who just turned 100; however, due to poor nutrition and not taking of herself physically, she has been confined to a wheelchair for several years now. I am convinced she could have been active longer if she had taken appropriate self-care action. I know, I know, living to 100 is a big deal in itself, but why not live your best life if possible.

    5.    Keep dear friends close to you. Throughout life, we will only have a few that we go the distance with, but nothing feels better than being by someone's side in a time of need and bringing a little light to their situation. We talked and laughed about the good old days and told stories of my memories of his mom. She was a little woman who stood barely 5 feet tall, but she gave us a lot of content to reminisce about, and I could tell it lifted his mood a bit through a sad situation.

    6.    As the priest said, we are all born, and we are all going to die, so accept these terms and focus on living a fulfilling life like this woman did. Knowing the time will come for all of us puts things in perspective because we don't know when; therefore, we must value every day and seize our opportunity.

 

As Tony Soprano said, "Remember When" is the lowest form of communication that two people can have, and I agree with him ONLY when your best years are behind you.

 

Suppose you are still growing, making an impact, setting and achieving goals, and are in the best shape of your life. In that case, having a "remember when" conversation to grab a few gut-busting laughs is extremely gratifying.

 

However, if your life is currently a mess, you are overweight, on all kinds of medication, can't move, complain about the world, live with a victim mindset, and your best years are behind you, then "remember when" is all you have, and you are not living to your fullest potential.

 

So the big question/lesson is…… how will your life end, and what will be happening at your funeral? Remember, the actions you take today will dictate the outcome of tomorrow, so start today by taking steps to ensure that you will live your best life, even if you last to 90!!

 

Coach Matt

 

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