Dear John: A Colleague Crush
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
Is it because no one at home listens to all his good advice? Maybe. But lucky for you, he's here, he's ready to advise, and all you need to do is ask. Which you can do by writing to firstname.lastname@example.org .
I consider myself a happily married man, but somehow, I’ve become infatuated with a woman I work with. She is a wonderful woman in every way – attractive, smart, witty, and always fun to be around. I actually get nervous when I’m with her, and I can’t tell you how long it’s been since someone has had that effect on me. I find myself thinking about her a lot and sometimes have to remind myself that she’d probably be appalled if she knew how I felt about her. I don’t know, though…maybe she’s thinking the same things about me! Is it normal to be married – happily married, even – and feel this way about someone?
Thank God It’s Monday
It’s perfectly normal to develop this kind of work crush. It doesn’t reflect on your character or integrity. What you do next, however, will. Confess your infatuation in the hope your feelings are reciprocated and you will reveal yourself to be an immature, selfish, and reckless man. Keep your feelings to yourself until the day comes – and it will come – when you wonder, “What was I thinking?!?” and you will reveal yourself to be a good man and a trustworthy and loving husband.
I have been living with my girlfriend for 4 years. We have a one-year-old boy. I love my son but I am tired of his mother. Lately, I feel like I’m on the verge of breaking up with her all the time. I am more than willing to pay child support and want joint custody of our son. I want to be a good dad. My girlfriend is a great mom, too – I just don’t want to be together anymore. Sometimes the prospect of moving out is exciting, and sometimes it makes me incredibly sad. What should I do?
One Foot Out The Door
Let me guess: you’re excited when you think about what you want, and you’re sad when you think about what your boy needs. He needs you and his mother to be together, under the same roof, predictably and consistently, every day. If there were something seriously wrong with your relationship, it would be in his best interest for one of you to leave, but you just sound like you’re bored. That’s an okay reason to break up when you don’t have kids, I guess, but it’s not a remotely good enough reason now that there’s a baby involved. From now on, every decision you make must be based on what’s best for him. You owe him that. If your boy is going to grow up into a confident, emotionally healthy man, he needs his dad to grow up right now.
My husband's sister is pregnant and has asked her brother and me to be the Godparents of her child. They are a Catholic family, and this is very important to them. I feel flattered to be asked. However I am not a Catholic nor a Christian and do not believe in having Godparents. I thought she knew I was not Christian, but she must not. How do I decline the offer kindly without insulting her religion or very kind gesture?
I think it’s admirable that you seem to respect your in-laws’ beliefs even though you don’t share them. It would be insulting to profess faith you don’t believe. On the other hand, there’s nothing insulting in saying, “I am so honored that you would entrust me with such an important role for your baby, but I’m not a Christian, so I can’t be a Godparent.”
You know you've got a problem. And you need some solid advice. Send it off today to email@example.com . Make it interesting enough and he'll probably write back. In front of a million of your closest friends.
- Dear John: Diary of a Wimpy Parent
- Dear John: Love Poem Too Little, Too Late
- Dear John: An Ill-Advised Office Romance (Aren’t They All?)