Newport Manners & Etiquette: Points To Make To Children About The Election

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert

Too many etiquette questions to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners this week about how to help children understand the election, best represented by these two.

Etiquette in politics

Q. I don't know if this is a question about etiquette or ethics, but here goes. One of my earliest childhood memories is sitting on my mother's lap in a rocking chair at my grandmother's house watching Geraldine Ferraro's acceptance speech during the 1984 Democratic Convention. My baby sister was asleep beside us, but she had woken me, age 5, to watch "history in the making:" the acceptance speech of the first woman vice presidential candidate. Mind you, I'm not sure I actually remember watching "history in the making" or if it is the memory of having the story and the outcome of that election repeated to me every four years.

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Recently I shared a similar experience with my six-year-old daughter. My husband (who had never voted Democratic before) and I took our two children to vote before dropping them off at school. There was a very long line with plenty of time to explain why we were waiting to vote. As my parents had done with us, we picked each child up and showed her how to vote. When I was old enough my mother actually guided my little hand to lie on top of hers and we pushed the lever together.

My parents to this day have never asked any of we children if we voted and who we voted for, because it is assumed that every good American votes every two years. Not just in presidential elections. And nobody has to know who you voted for.

How do we teach children the importance of hope? Our children were disappointed that the candidate we had been talking about for the past year and whom "we voted" for, lost. Try explaining to a precocious six-year-old, the difference between Geraldine Ferraro losing the nomination because her husband hadn't paid taxes and why Trump hasn't disclosed his tax returns. Bitter in Brooklyn

A. Sixty-four years after women won the right to vote, Geraldine Ferraro became the first woman nominated for national office by a major party. You heard her tell you that "If we can do this, we can do anything." From then on, anything must have seemed possible for you. Even though President Ronald Reagan and Vice President George H. W. Bush won by a landslide, Ms. Ferraro gave you heart.

It took another 23 years for a woman to be nominated again. In 2008, Sarah Palin ascended the same year Hillary Clinton first ran for the Democratic presidential nomination, and this month came very close to becoming the first woman president. Your daughter may well, some day, vote in a woman president, and so may you.

Let's not forget that US House Representative Geraldine Ferraro's husband was forced to release his tax returns, and after the election the House Ethics Committee determined that the disclosures had been inadequate. Let's hope that all honorable politicians will come clean with their tax returns.

Three points to make with children about the election

Q. How do we talk to children about the election? There is so much social media saying families will be torn apart when parents are deported and that foreign students fear being sent home to ravaged war-torn underdeveloped countries where young people are trafficked and bartered. Then there are the protest marchers! How do we assuage these fears? PG, Alexandria, VA

A. Never before have our young people been exposed to social media depicting such fowl language, disruptive behavior and hateful rages than in this past election. It is sad that we allow such despicable behavior to go on without consequences. What must other countries think of America? Its embarrassing and unacceptable. Express your feelings. However, your conversation should be age appropriate.

Talk about the importance of being respectful of other children's opinions and religion. Tell them to take the high road, as Michelle Obama reminds us, and don't name-call or put anther kid down. What if they were the kid being picked on and bullied?
Assure children that their everyday lives won't be changed by the election and that other elections have had similar outcomes where a huge majority was disappointed by the result. Of course, if their friends or classmates are Muslims or their parents are undocumented, you may have to deal with that down the road in helping your child to understand their friend's circumstances.

To your child, use the example of the serious student who always wanted to be president of her class working really hard making signs and giving speeches only to lose the election to the popular, handsome football player who never does his homework, and all the kids envy.

You are your child's role model. If you are distressed over the election, your child will continue to be upset by Trump's presidency until you accept the outcome. Teach your child to be a good sport, not a sore loser. Democracy works when adults vote and the person who gets the most electoral votes wins. You can even remind your child that we get to do the presidential election all over again in four years.

More importantly, make it clear that if a person doesn't vote, they cannot legitimately complain about the outcome. Sadly, only 43% of all registered voters actually voted in this past presidential election.

Empower your children to become voters. Start by demonstrating your concern and take your children to Washington, D.C. on Saturday, January 21, 2017, to participate in the Million Women March in support of women's rights.

Didi Lorillard researches etiquette at NewportManners.

Newport Manners & Etiquette: Points To Make To Children About The Election

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