Newport Manners & Etiquette: Dating A Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend

Wednesday, November 05, 2014

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert

 

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Frequently asked dilemmas at Newport Manners this week included whether to date a friend's ex-boyfriend, where NOT to breastfeed in public, to attend or not attend a funeral, and what to wear to an indoor-outdoor November evening wedding in the northeast?

Dating My Friend's Ex-Boyfriend 

Recently I ran into a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend at a bar and we hung out, but didn't hook up, even though the chemistry was flowing both ways. He intimated that we should go out and typed my number into his phone. While they were dating my friend complained bitterly about him and said they broke it off because they didn't have much in common. Should I go out with him?  Zoe, Providence

It wouldn’t be just breaking the girl-code, but the decent-behavior-code as well, if you hooked up with your friend’s ex without talking to her first. If they had been dating for over six months, she may be vulnerable, angry and feel you’re betraying her.

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Don’t rush into anything without talking honestly to your friend first. Tell her you ran into him, you hit it off, and he asked for your number. Promise her that you won’t share any information with him about her. She may be surprised and even disappointed in you. You and he may or may not become a couple, you and she may or may not stay friends, but it is what it is.  ~Didi

Breastfeeding in Public 

For the most part, as a first-time mother breastfeeding in public feels totally normal. I cover his head so as not to draw attention to my nursing baby. On airline flights and in restaurants people feel pretty relaxed around us. But in a shoe store recently, a lady yelled at me saying a shoe store wasn't the place to feed a baby. Is there any etiquette as to where I should not feed him?  Caroline, Los Angeles, CA

When out and about shopping, what better place to feed a baby, nursing or not, than in a shoe store? Lots of places to sit down, often good music and friendly salespeople. The law is on your side in California. Even though breastfeeding in public is forbidden in certain jurisdictions and is not addressed by law in others, in 46 states, plus the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, the right to breastfeed is a granted legal right in public as well as in the workplace.

When breastfeeding in public space, be considerate of others and gently cover the baby’s head with a lightweight cloth, even though most of us melt at the sight of a baby.  ~Didi

To Attend A Funeral or Not

Would it be improper to attend the wake of an old girlfriend's dad whom I have not seen in forty years?  Jason, T., Woonsocket

The fact that you’re asking means you want to attend, but feel awkward not having seen the deceased in a long time. You would be attending his wake in support of the deceased’s family and because you liked and respected him. Wakes can be a social occasion and an opportunity to catch up with old friends and acquaintances. If your gut tells you to go, then attend, because it would not be improper.  ~Didi

November Outdoor-Indoor Wedding Catskills

I am attending a wedding in November in the Catskills. The information on the website says the ceremony and the cocktail hour will be outdoors and to 'dress accordingly.' I believe the reception will be inside (and with a lot of dancing, will end up being very warm) so I am not sure how to dress for the two different settings--outside and then inside. The ceremony starts at 5 p.m. Even though I'm in my forties, I have no idea how to dress. Any advice would be gratefully appreciated!!  Ali, Brooklyn

Look for a dress code on the wedding invitation or wedding website. When Black Tie isn't specified, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. As a bit of a chic freak, I would say you should keep warm in a knee-length or midi-length stretch wool or knit sheath wrap or gathered dress, worn under a soft leather jacket, sweater coat or other lightweight knee-length coat. For women over forty, we use the Halsbrook.com site to illustrate trending wedding guest dresses. Sheer shiny leg wear, such as those from Wolford.com, will dress up your legs and also help to keep you warn, along with lined leather gloves. 

When you go inside for dinner you should be able to check your coat and if not, drape it over the back of your chair before tucking your gloves into your jacket pocket. Earrings, a bracelet, cocktail ring, and beautiful shoes and evening bag will jazz up the dress when your coat comes off. ~Didi

Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Visit her newly redesigned NewportManners.com where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location. Do explore Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.

 

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