Newport Manners & Etiquette: Etiquette of the Trump Family Crests, Guns + Children
Wednesday, May 31, 2017
NewportManners this week about the etiquette of Mr. Trump stealing another family's coat of arms, neighbors with guns, a disgruntled father of the bride, and how much to tip when picking up your takeout dinner.
Trump's stolen family crest
Q. Can you get away with stealing a coat of arms? Isn't that why they call a coat of arms a family crest? Is it bad etiquette that Donald Trump uses another family's coat-of-arms or crest without ever having asked the family's permission?
At the Trump National Gold Club outside Washington, DC, which hosted the Senior P.G.A. Championships this past weekend, most of the jokes were about the different nefarious Trump coats of arms and newly acquired family crest. Either the crest Trump stole or the one he plagiarized or made up appear everywhere on the Trump organization properties: on all signage for his real estate, inside Trump's private helicopter and jet, and homes. Including pro shops and exercise gyms. On everything from throw pillows, cufflinks and clothing, to golf balls, golf clubs, and body lotions, as well as all promotional material.
According to The New York Times, the coat of arms Mr. Trump first tried to use was originally granted to Joseph Edward Davies in1939, says Joseph D.Tydings, a former senator from Maryland, who is the grandson of the owner of the coat of arms. Mr. Trump uses it in the US without permission from the family, which Tydings witnessed while visiting Mar-a-Lago, his former family home. The family was told that Mr. Trump's lawyers would keep them in court for decades draining their finances for generations. The only adjustment made was switching the motto from the latin word for Integrity, 'Integritas,' to the name 'Trump.' However, for his two golf properties in Scotland, Mr. Trump plagiarized the coat of arms he covets, but added a two-headed eagle. GP, Washington, DC
A. In 2012 after a gladiatorial legal battle over whether Mr. Trump could use someone eles' Scottish coat of arms as his family crest, he eventually won the right to use it. I agree, why would you use another family's crest as your own?
- The fact is that it is a criminal offense under the ancient Scottish law to use an authorized crest, but Mr. Trump was relentless and wore down the authorities.
- By adding the double-sided eagle representing the dual nature and nationality of Trump's heritage, American and German, he adapted a crest he admired.
- Also the eagles are clutching golf balls, making reference to the game of golf, and the Trump motto was added in Latin: "Numquam Concedere" for "Never Give Up."
Q. The parents of our son's fiancée don't get along. When I say they don't get along, I mean they can't be in the same room at the same time. They had a very bitter divorce. His mother is happily remarried, but his father is a bitter lonely man.
As the groom's parents, we are hosting the welcoming dinner, but the father of the bride has requested that he not be seated near his ex-wife and her husband. He can't be too obstinate because he's paying for the wedding reception. How do I seat the groom's parents? There will be somewhere between fifty and sixty close family and friends attending the seated Welcome Dinner, so we've got five or six tables of ten. MOG, Charlotte, NC
A. The key here is that your dinner is seated. You can control this dilemma. Strategically seat the bride's parents at different tables and put the parents positioned so that they have their backs to one another. Arrange the place cards yourself to be sure that the bride's parents are not in earshot or sight range. Assure the bride's father he is seated at "his own table." Include only close friends or relatives at "his table." As the hostess, he's your responsibility. Especially since he is hosting the wedding reception by generously footing the bill.
Alternatively, you, as the hostess, can seat the bride's father to your right at your table. Then you would seat the bride's mother at your husband's table, to his right. The step-father can probably be seated anywhere but at your table. By seating the bride's parents as guests of honor at two separate tables, you should be able to appease both of the bride's parents.
This won't look awkward because the seats to the right of the host and hostess are the guest of honor seats.
Also, by cleverly positioning the place cards so that the bride's parents are out of earshot and sightline, you've done your duty.
Tipping for takeout
Q. What about tipping when you buy takeout from a proper restaurant and take it home to eat? Here in Newport we have so many fantastic restaurants that we get spoiled off season. During the Memorial Day Weekend, it seemed simpler to look at the menus and order online and then pick up the food and eat at home. No lines, no reservations, no long waiting between courses. What I don't understand is the tipping. Paying the requisite 20% for service doesn't seem necessary. On the other hand, I don't want to stiff the summer college workers and the year round waitstaff. What percentage of the bill do I pay for the takeout tip? LB, Newport
A. The same dilemma came to me Monday night of Memorial Day Weekend. We ordered from Pasta Beach -- our favorite take out -- which we do summer, winter, spring and fall for special occasions. Instead of paying 20%, for a $50. take out, I put five dollars on the tip line of the credit card receipt. I agree, 20% is too much, but if you're asking the waiter for extra this and a little more of that and not too many onions in the salad, you're demanding more personal attention, which deserves a little something extra.
Actually, I would like to know what you think about this answer, because takeout is unchartered territory.
Guns and playdates
Q. Didi, the number of people owning guns in our small community is scary. Our neighbors have guns in their home. I've seen the father walking to and from the car carrying a leather rifle case that looks as though its big enough for two rifles. I don't want our small children playing over there. How do I say, "No, my kids can't spend time in your home?" Name Withheld, Portsmouth, RI
Look at it this way, if you had a child allergic to peanuts or cats or your children don't have any sugar in their diet at home, you would say: My kids don't eat sugar, they don't have sugar in there diet, so I can't let them play at your house.
So, you say: We know you have guns in your home and I can't allow my children to play in a house where I know there are guns.
There's always the danger that a little one will come upon a gun that happens to be loaded, with consequences that are terrible to contemplate.
Tell the neighbor that you do not want your children in a home where there are guns of any kind and to please not make the situation difficult.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners.
Related Slideshow: 25 Things to Look Forward to in New England This Summer - 2018
Sipping Del's Lemonade on a Hot Day
While you can probably find Del's Lemonade somewhere during any month of the year, drinking it in the winter is just not the same as when it is a hot day in the midst of summer.
As summer approaches, be sure to locate our nearest Del's Lemonade stand.
Waterfire is back for the summer and it's an event and experience that must be had.
Waterfire is Providence's signature event bringing in people from all over New England and the country to see it.
A great night out for families and couples alike.
Visiting Southwick Zoo
Can't wait to get back to the zoo and visit the animals at Southwick Zoo. Be sure to check out the new baby zebra that the zoo just welcomed.
The Zoo is open 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Taking a Cruise on Lake Winnipesaukee aboard the M/S Mount Washington
Lake Winnipesaukee offers some of the best scenery in all of New England and there is no better place to see it from then the M/S Mount Washington.
The Burlington Discover Jazz Festival
The Burlington Discover Jazz Festival takes place from June 1 to June 10 in downtown Burlington, Vermont.
This 10 day celebration features four stages with free live music from Leslie Odom Jr. and more. The festival also will feature local food and much more.
For more information, click here.
Walking Along Narragansett Beach
Look forward to taking a stroll all the way from chair six to chair one as the waves crash along the shore.
Keep an eye out for sea glass as Narrow River or The Towers come into view.
Taking a Cruise on a Windjammer
Head to Maine and sleep aboard a National Landmark, the Maine Windjammer Fleet.
Go on a three, four or six-day cruise and get closer than ever before to wildlife like whales, eagles, and porpoises while you see some of the best coastal scenery that North America has to offer.
After a successful first festival, the PVDFest returns to Providence for the third year and will take place from June 7 to June 10.
The festival will bring in art, music, performances and more from all over the United States and the world for the free outdoor festival.
Catching a Worcester Bravehearts Game
Year after year, the Worcester Bravehearts are one of the best baseball teams in New England.
They bring in some of the best college talent from across the region to compete for the Futures League Championship.
Don't miss a game.
Newport Folk Festival
The Newport Folk Festival is set to be held from July 27-29 and will feature bands such as Wilco, Fleet Foxes, and The Avett Brothers.
Don't miss out on one of the biggest concert events of the summer.
Visiting Cape Playhouse Theatre
Taking a ride to Cape Cod and visit the oldest summer theatre in the country, Cape Playhouse. Cape Playhouse was first opened in 1927 by Raymond Moore.
The theatre has been home to some of the biggest stars to ever grace a stage like Bette Davis, Humphrey Bogart amongst others.
Enjoying the South County Hot Air Balloon Fest
There is nothing quite like the Hot Air Ballon Fest. This is the place to enjoy glowing hot air balloons, crafts, music, food, fishing, carnival rides, fireworks, and more.
The festival will be held from July 20-22 on the URI athletic fields.
Participating in the Worcester World Cup 2018
The 2017 Worcester World Cup is set to take place from Friday, August 10 to Sunday, August 12.
The Worcester World Cup is more than a soccer tournament. It's a celebration of Worcester and a safe, friendly family event that people look forward to all year.
Newport Jazz Festival
The 2018 festival is set to take place from Friday, August 3 to Sunday, August 5.
The festival will show off over 50 individual jazz ensembles on four stages including performances at the International Tennis Hall of Fame and Fort Adams State Park.
Seeing a Movie at the Rustic Drive-In
Look forward to Calling up your friends, pack a picnic, and sit in your car as feature films are projected on giant outdoor screens.
The audio plays right through your radio, so be sure to turn the volume up high as you snack on your candy and popcorn.
Zip Lining in the Berkshires
Looking for something new and exciting? Head to the Berkshires and get yourself on a zip line, maybe even do a canopy tour.
There are three different tour options, starting with the base area tour which lasts an hour or the Moutain Top or Valley Jump tour which takes three hours. Both of those are sure to shoot some adrenaline into your day.
Watching 4th of July Fireworks
The 4th of July, the holiday of the summer.
It is never too early to start planning your day and figuring out exactly where you are going to watch a parade and fireworks this year.
Eating a Clam Cake From Flo’s
Be excited about heading to Flo's and taking a bite of a Flo’s clam cake and you’ll understand why they’ve been around since 1936.
Dip it in a side of tartar sauce or enjoy as is.
The Little League World Series
While the Little League World Series does not take place in New England, the series is arguably the marquee sporting event of the summer.
There will be a New England team in it this year and therefore, the Little League World Series is always something to look forward to
Boston Calling, the first New England music festival of the season kicks off in downtown Boston on the weekend of May 25 to the 27.
The festival features a performance from Eminem and much more.
Vermont Summer Festival
The Vermont Summer celebration features everything from horses to shopping at onsite boutiques and plenty of places for food and drinks.
The celebration takes place from July 3 through August 12.
Playing Golf at Harbor Lights
Harbor Lights in Warwick offers golfers a great place to tee it up this summer.
Not to mention the amazing scenery and the great food at the Par + Tackle restaurant.
RI International Film Festival
The Rhode Island International Film Festival will celebrate their 35th anniversary beginning on August 7 and going through August 12.
The Festival features the best local films made with some of the best local talent.
Catching a PawSox Game at McCoy
Nothing says summer time like sitting at McCoy Stadium and watching a Pawtucket Red Sox game.
While the PawSox are already in action, the weather is getting warmer and it will be much more comfortable to go out to a game.
Billy Joel at Fenway Park
For the 5th consecutive year, rock and roll legend Billy Joel will play Fenway Park.
Billy Joel released his first hit song, arguably still his biggest hit, Piano Man in 1973 and since then has become the 6th best-selling recording artist and the third best-selling solo artist in the United States.
Joel was inducted into the Songwriters Hall of Fame in 1992 and then the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1999.
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