Modern Manners + Etiquette: Flirting Etiquette
Monday, February 13, 2012
Anticipating Valentine's Day, etiquette questions this past week to NewportManners.com asked about flirting for the tongue-tied and fresh ideas for meeting and pleasing. Valentine angst. The reality is, meeting new people is difficult. Approaching new people in our upside-down dating world that no longer has a dating etiquette can be daunting. What do you say? Do you introduce yourself? Do you ask, "Can I buy you a drink?"
Dear Didi,
Most of my friends are recently single again and mostly we're overwhelmed and out of practice. Getting out has been an issue between the high cost of childcare, restaurant bills, and a busy work schedule. It's tough being single in your forties. The idea of going to a bar looking for love and using a flirting app to get the attention of a random person across the room has zilch appeal.
Any suggestions on how we can enlarge our circle of single friends without hanging out in the nearest pub on Valentines? T. J., Providence
Dear T. J.,
Forget Valentine's Day, leap forward and have a Leap Year party. (Traditionally, only every four years on Leap Year, February 29th, could a woman ask the hand of a man in marriage.) Whoever has the biggest living space gets to be one of the hosts, the rest pitch in with the music, wine, beer and pot luck dinner. It's not too late. Since Leap Year falls on a weeknight, celebrate it on Saturday, March 3rd. Through paperlesspost.com make and send an e-vite for a Leap Year medieval-themed party. Traditionally, the men invited would bring two or more women as their guests, who in turn, provide flowers and adornments, form a "doe line" and cut in, fetch drinks for the thirsty, and are generally responsible for the well-being of their escorts. Update to 2012, have your ten hosts (possibly five men and five women) each invite two or three members of the opposite sex to escort them. Each of the hosts then sends e-vites to other friends, who can each invite two escorts. You can easily control the guest list on paperlesspost.com and use the option to show who's accepted and who hasn't so everyone knows who's attending and what everyone bringing. Happy Leap Year! ~Didi
Dear Didi,
I hate Valentine's Day. Expectations are high. I've run out of ideas. It all seems so forced. How do I get it through to my girlfriend of several years that it's not important to me and not have her mad at me? J. M., Cranston
Dear J. M.,
Do something different. Send her flowers at her workplace the day before or have them waiting when she arrives at work Valentine's day. Yes, you will have set the bar high, but the minimal expectation has been met early on so there is no stress as to whether or not you're playing the Valentine's game. You don't want her flowers delivered late on Valentine's Day after everyone else has already gotten theirs. Make dinner for her or make a reservation some place new through OpenTable.com. When you make a reservation at Open Table they ask you to rate the restaurant (the next day) in return for the best service. Not only will the restaurant be especially attentive to you but you can read other diners' reviews ahead of time. You can also request a window view, fireside table, or her favorite dessert so there's no disappointment. On Valentine's Day it's not so much about a gift as it is about the memorable experience that shows you planned ahead. ~Didi
Hi Didi,
I'm shy and need some flirting tips. After "Can I buy you a drink?" I get tongue-tied. D. K., Bristol
Dear D. K.,
Some of us are born flirts, but that doesn't mean we score any higher than those who don't flirt easily. This is your time, never have there been more opportunities through eHarmony, Match.com, Grindr, and Jazzed, all of which have apps for people who want to find a date. Some are designed to help the so-called last yard problem such as what to say after you've said "Hello," or for someone such as yourself who is looking for what to say after "Can I buy you a drink?" For that first encounter try IFlirt4U ($1 on Apple), to meet the woman with the long red curly hair across the room. The app will shoot a selection of seven short flirty phrases across your screen one word at a time when you point the screen at her. Slowly, in white one word at a time will appear in large type on a black screen: you are hot, you are cute, can I buy you a drink... Some apps have a helpful second step: "Can I get your number?" followed by a No button (telling you to answerer, "Too bad") and a Yes button telling you how to respond. How to Flirt-wiki (free of charge), is reported to be the most useful. The app has three sections: steps, tips, and warnings, with helpful info on how to start a conversation and keep it going.
OK, so these apps sound a bit cheesy, and, yes, you might get rejected, and then again you just might find what you're looking for. Happy Valentine's! ~Didi
Fun tips: Women appreciate a man with a good sense of humor and a confident attitude. What grabs their attention is when, in a light-hearted way, you show that you like them.
Best pickup lines:
I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
Hi, they call me Mr. Right.That women over there said you were looking for me.
See my friend sitting on the corner bar stool, she wants to know if you think I'm cute.
Most of my friends are recently single again and mostly we're overwhelmed and out of practice. Getting out has been an issue between the high cost of childcare, restaurant bills, and a busy work schedule. It's tough being single in your forties. The idea of going to a bar looking for love and using a flirting app to get the attention of a random person across the room has zilch appeal.
Any suggestions on how we can enlarge our circle of single friends without hanging out in the nearest pub on Valentines? T. J., Providence
Dear T. J.,
Forget Valentine's Day, leap forward and have a Leap Year party. (Traditionally, only every four years on Leap Year, February 29th, could a woman ask the hand of a man in marriage.) Whoever has the biggest living space gets to be one of the hosts, the rest pitch in with the music, wine, beer and pot luck dinner. It's not too late. Since Leap Year falls on a weeknight, celebrate it on Saturday, March 3rd. Through paperlesspost.com make and send an e-vite for a Leap Year medieval-themed party. Traditionally, the men invited would bring two or more women as their guests, who in turn, provide flowers and adornments, form a "doe line" and cut in, fetch drinks for the thirsty, and are generally responsible for the well-being of their escorts. Update to 2012, have your ten hosts (possibly five men and five women) each invite two or three members of the opposite sex to escort them. Each of the hosts then sends e-vites to other friends, who can each invite two escorts. You can easily control the guest list on paperlesspost.com and use the option to show who's accepted and who hasn't so everyone knows who's attending and what everyone bringing. Happy Leap Year! ~Didi
Dear Didi,
I hate Valentine's Day. Expectations are high. I've run out of ideas. It all seems so forced. How do I get it through to my girlfriend of several years that it's not important to me and not have her mad at me? J. M., Cranston
Dear J. M.,
Do something different. Send her flowers at her workplace the day before or have them waiting when she arrives at work Valentine's day. Yes, you will have set the bar high, but the minimal expectation has been met early on so there is no stress as to whether or not you're playing the Valentine's game. You don't want her flowers delivered late on Valentine's Day after everyone else has already gotten theirs. Make dinner for her or make a reservation some place new through OpenTable.com. When you make a reservation at Open Table they ask you to rate the restaurant (the next day) in return for the best service. Not only will the restaurant be especially attentive to you but you can read other diners' reviews ahead of time. You can also request a window view, fireside table, or her favorite dessert so there's no disappointment. On Valentine's Day it's not so much about a gift as it is about the memorable experience that shows you planned ahead. ~Didi
Hi Didi,
I'm shy and need some flirting tips. After "Can I buy you a drink?" I get tongue-tied. D. K., Bristol
Dear D. K.,
Some of us are born flirts, but that doesn't mean we score any higher than those who don't flirt easily. This is your time, never have there been more opportunities through eHarmony, Match.com, Grindr, and Jazzed, all of which have apps for people who want to find a date. Some are designed to help the so-called last yard problem such as what to say after you've said "Hello," or for someone such as yourself who is looking for what to say after "Can I buy you a drink?" For that first encounter try IFlirt4U ($1 on Apple), to meet the woman with the long red curly hair across the room. The app will shoot a selection of seven short flirty phrases across your screen one word at a time when you point the screen at her. Slowly, in white one word at a time will appear in large type on a black screen: you are hot, you are cute, can I buy you a drink... Some apps have a helpful second step: "Can I get your number?" followed by a No button (telling you to answerer, "Too bad") and a Yes button telling you how to respond. How to Flirt-wiki (free of charge), is reported to be the most useful. The app has three sections: steps, tips, and warnings, with helpful info on how to start a conversation and keep it going.
OK, so these apps sound a bit cheesy, and, yes, you might get rejected, and then again you just might find what you're looking for. Happy Valentine's! ~Didi
Fun tips: Women appreciate a man with a good sense of humor and a confident attitude. What grabs their attention is when, in a light-hearted way, you show that you like them.
Best pickup lines:
I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?
Hi, they call me Mr. Right.That women over there said you were looking for me.
See my friend sitting on the corner bar stool, she wants to know if you think I'm cute.
Worst pickup lines:
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name.
Didi Lorillard tracks trends in relationships, weddings, funerals, and codes of conduct at NewportManners.com or find Didi on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, after reading earlier GoLocalProv columns listed below.
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