Newport Manners & Etiquette: Teen Manners

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

GoLocalProv Lifestyle Team

 

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Summer manners opportunities for teenagers, selfies to plan your own photo shoot, wedding dress code and wedding etiquette seating were all questions to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com this week.

Teenage thank-you note

Is it necessary for a teenager to send a thank-you to the parents of the girl that invited her on a cruise, when she paid her own way? Name withheld, Providence

Even though her way was paid, she benefited from the trip because it was paid: it was organized by her friend's parent. She broadened her horizon and she was chaperoned by the other child's parents (to some degree). It could be a thank-you card on which she writes a short heartfelt sentence thanking them for the opportunity and the memories.

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Exceptions would be: if the teen had a horrible experience on the cruise or if her own parent(s) were planning on reciprocating with a return adventure at another time. Should the teen balk, have her email, and not text, her thank-you note saying why she appreciated the cruise.

Personally, I would use almost any teaching opportunity to encourage children not only to thank, but to prioritize making thank-you note writing a natural response of appreciation.  Socially, as well as in business later on. Studies show that polite people are more apt to get ahead in life and become leaders.  ~Didi

Seating guests at weddings with nicknames

In lieu of place cards for a black tie wedding, we will have guests' first and last names written by a calligrapher at the top of each menu card. Many of our guests are southern and go only by their middle name. Is it proper to use their middle name or is it more proper to use their given first name in this application? C.J., Mobile, AL

The purpose of the place card is dual. To show the guest their appointed seat and to help guests learn the other guests' names. If the person is known as Didi and not Edith (my real name), then use the name Didi Lorillard on the place card/menu. With the intention of helping guests socialize comfortably, you would use their nickname or middle name (if they use it as their first name socially). Nonetheless, there are people who are known by both, but the nuance is that you only use, say, a childhood nickname such as "Muffy," if you've known her forever. In this case, when you're most likely seating her next to someone she may not know, you would use her given first name, Meredith instead of Muffy.

The short answer is that you use the name you think the person wishes to be called. If you know that Muffy, who is a hot shot lawyer, would rather be introduced as Meredith, put Meredith on her place card/menu.  ~Didi

Granny the wanna' be bride

Is it improper for the grandmother-of-the-bride to wear a white blouse with rhinestone buttons to a 4:00 p.m. outdoor wedding? A. Z., Location withheld

It would depend upon how many real jewels the grandmother plans on wearing with the white blouse that has rhinestone buttons. Mixing faux bling and real bling can be tricky. Before leaving the house, she should look in the mirror to see if she thinks she looks too glitzy. She can always take off some of the bling. I would also question whether she should be wearing white. The only woman in white at a wedding is the bride. Think about it. Sitting at the ceremony and seated at dinner will she appear to be wearing white to her granddaughter's wedding? ~Didi

Selfie your wardrobe

Me & my wife get ourselves photographed on all of our wedding anniversaries. This time (4th Anniversary) could you kindly advise what we should wear? The photographer has specifically said to wear something that compliments each other. Now we are having 2 photographs clicked, one on a semiformal side & the other a casual one. Kindly advise the attire for both the snaps. Just to make it easier for you: we are Asians (Indians to be precise) & I am on a darker side & my wife is on a fairer side. I am 5feet 8inches & my wife is 5feet 6inches.  Raghu Sankar, Location withheld

Think about the events you attended over the past year and decide which outfits suited you both equally well for a semiformal and for a less casual occasion. You know, that time when you left the house knowing you were both looking your best. Going forward, why not take selfies before leaving the house so you can flip through them next anniversary to find the outfit that makes you both look fabulous.

We like hearing from you, but I'm not a stylist. My area is manners, etiquette and protocol. If you're looking for a fashion stylist go to the website what2wearwhere.com and ask Hilary Dick.  ~Didi

Do you have a Question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com, where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or address. Do explore Didi's earlier columns by typing Didi Lorillard in the upper right hand corner of this page. Or scroll down below.

 

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