Iannuccilli: Are Friendships Governed by the Passage of Time?
Monday, September 23, 2019
Friendships are among the more important things in a lifetime. Heeding the advice of a friend, I try to call a friend every day.
Philosophers have discussed what it means to be a friend. In his Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle addresses major questions regarding friendship, believing that friends who give to each other with no expectations in return possess one of the ingredients that make for friendship and … happiness.
Though Aristotle professed that a good man does not need friends, he is clear in pointing out that a good man “cannot live a pleasant life in solitary.” Aristotle thought of friendship as a necessity, claiming that we need friends in time of misfortune … friends helping to guide the young from error and the old in their weaknesses. Friends help us behave in a positive, honorable manner. Not to dwell further on what has been written so often by so many, my definition of friendship is easy; someone with whom I like to spend time.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTI do not have old friends but rather longtime friends. I dismissed the word “old” because when we meet, I see vitality, inquisitive minds, freshness in thoughts, and reflections upon past and current endeavors.
I regularly enjoy lunches and breakfasts with longtime friends … neighborhood, junior high school, high school, physicians, and “new” neighborhood. James Marcus would call us genetic ambassadors. I look forward to these collations with enthusiasm and respect; enthusiasm because it is just plain entertaining, respect because I learn something every time we meet.
These meetings are also a measure of the passing of time as we appreciate new understandings of infirmities, fuzzy thinking, sketchy hearing, spots, shakiness, being closer to the sidewalk, and guarded steps. At every encounter, I feel a need to halt time because the get-togethers are so enjoyable. Joyous joke cracking mixed with mellow memories prevail. I want to savor the moments by stopping the clock.
Friendship has never been governed by the passage of time. (Here we go with that Time thing again). Should we stop noticing details when we know time is running out? Or dare we notice them even more because of it? Do details matter as we grow older? Do we care about a droopy lip, hesitant speech, more lines accenting that droopy lip, and a twist of the head to pick up the word?
We meet plenty of people in a lifetime. Family, for better or for worse, is forever. We meet numerous strangers. Some become friends; among them a few best friends. Being someone’s friend is nice, but having a best friend is, well, the best.
Friendship should not be measured by how often people spend time together, or by how much they have in common. It’s not defined by simply labeling someone your friend (or by being on Facebook). Friendship is about kindness, compassion, and sincerely caring about another, regardless of how much time you spend together.
When someone is your friend, and you theirs, you know it, never question it and treasure it.
Ed Iannuccilli is the author of "Growing up Italian" and "What Ever Happened to Sunday Dinner?" and "My Story Continues" can be found here.
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