Welcome to Rhode Island President Obama by John DePetro
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
President Obama, on behalf of the citizens of Rhode Island, I want to welcome you to Rhode Island. It speaks volumes of how things are progressing in your presidency that you need to come to the “corruption capital” one week before the election to raise money for two of your sheep…uh, I mean, I mean fellow Democrats. It is a shame you could not visit us back in April, when we had the worst flooding in state history and parts of Cranston and Warwick resembled Venice at high tide.
But back in April we needed access to your money (or our money actually) plus you were attending a fundraiser in Boston. This time you are visiting the state of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations because you need OUR money. It is hard to believe that for a mere 15-grand, a Rhode Island couple gets to break bread with you. I’m sure that impresses those recession wracked ordinary Rhode Islanders who are practically on bread lines thanks to your stimulus bust. Fifteen grand is almost as much as Peter Manfredo’s health insurance at CCRI (almost). 15- grand could buy three people dinner at Twin Oakes every night for a year.
You will enjoy your visit to the East Side of Providence, but understand it’s a mirage compared to the rest of the city. The wealthy, liberal, elitist kids at Brown and RISD will surely be excited by your presence but keep in mind the University’s founder’s wealth and much of its original endowment grew from the slave trade, and the campus at Brown remains a world away from the struggling public housing project tenants in another, far less visited part of Providence, at Chad Brown.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTWhile on the Eastside, be on the lookout Mr. President for Jack McConnell who has paid (donated) over $800-thousand to your party, yet has still not been rewarded with a federal judgeship. Watch out because word is Jack is getting a little impatient and is tempted to bring another frivolous lawsuit to shake down more companies (could be potential donors).
The other person to watch out for is Attorney General Patrick Lynch. Now that General Lynch is almost out of office, he needs a new “no show” job to take the place of his current” no show” job. But you seem to have plenty of “Lynch” types already on the payroll at the Whitehouse.
As you ride downtown, pay no attention to all the empty buildings in Providence and homeless on the streets. The orange “P” signs you see are not for “parking” but a chance to show that Providence is the creative capitol.
Speaking of creative, you should see the way the Mayor-turned -Congressional hopeful you are coming to honor has managed the city’s finances. Ranging from the tax burden, to ignoring the alarming unfunded pension liability, he has turned creative municipal finance into a high art.
When your itinerary leads you into a quick appearance at the Convention Center, don’t worry, you won’t encounter any of the 75-thousand angry Rhode Islanders without jobs because they certainly can’t afford the $1,000 a couple price tag for admittance. Lastly, while you are here, maybe you will weigh in on one of our ballot questions concerning the state name. The official name is “State of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations.” Some people are offended by this and want to drop the “Providence Plantations.” Personally, I believe it could be a marketing advantage to change it to “state of Rhode island and Providence Place Mall”.
Enjoy your visit Mr. President, and make sure you get cash in advance.
John DePetro can be heard weekday mornings 6-10A, on GoLocalProv media partner 630WPRO & 99.7 FM, and podcasts of show highlights are found at 630wpro.com
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