Tom Finneran: Yo Adrian!
Friday, September 19, 2014
Spare the rod, spoil the child; so it says in the Book of Proverbs.
Adrian Peterson, All-World running back for the Minnesota Vikings has brought child discipline and parents’ prerogatives to the nation’s front pages. He stands accused of “switching”—i.e.—spanking—his son. He might soon be brought down more quickly than even a Dick Butkus blitz could ever achieve.
Everyone has an opinion of course even though they might not have the facts. And because it’s America in the year 2014, there is a racial angle to the big argument. We are told that “switching” is a tradition in the South and that it is particularly and frequently used in African-American households as a way of establishing discipline in the family.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTYou know Solar and Moon, the earthy crunchy couple down the street? Yes, the couple whose life is “organic” twenty-four hours a day and who call “timeouts” when their kids are misbehaving? Yes, the couple whose kids are spoiled brats…..yes, that couple.
Admit it now. You know such couples and you think that they’re crazy. And you’re right. They are very nice but they are crazy. My evidence for that is their kids’ behavior in school, in church, in stores and restaurants, in playgrounds, basically everywhere they go. Because kids are kids, they will always test, stretch, and break limits. And “timeouts” are just another opportunity for mucho mischief in a different room.
Now I don’t mean to mock Solar and Moon or Mother Earth’s other crunchy couples. They’re entitled to try their philosophy of discipline with their children, free from my sarcastic editorials. As are all other parents.
I know some parents who are 180 degrees away from the “timeout” crowd. These parents are like Marine Corps drill sergeants. Yet their “recruits” are not nineteen and twenty year old fully grown, physically mature men and women. Rather, they are little boys and girls of tender years and tender feelings, easily intimidated by large, loud, angry adults. Call me doubtful about whether making a child tremble and cower builds character. I think not. Welts and open wounds are way out of bounds. Disciplining a child is not an NFL training camp.
The toughest aspect of parenting is finding a consistent method of effective punishment. And the toughest situation to deal with is a child’s defiance. Setting ground rules on language and behavior is relatively simple but the defiant child upends all assumptions.
I might talk until I’m blue in the face about bullying and the cruelty of being mean but a defiant child ignores my lectures and my rules for behavior, acts cruelly toward others, and in so doing invites my angry, perhaps physical response.
Back to Adrian Peterson. News reports have cited welts and broken skin on his four year-old son’s backside. Those same reports have differed with some telling us that the boy was being “disciplined” by his dad for pushing around and hurting a little girl. Other stories report that the boy had been beating on his brother. Finally, some of those news stories have reported that the “first grand jury” refused to charge Mr. Peterson. Apparently in the eyes of those jurors the circumstances justified dad Peterson’s conduct. That there was a second grand jury at all says something less than complimentary about certain prosecutors. All I really know is that the kids being bullied are probably really happy that Dad Peterson stepped in and put an end to it.
What would you do? Suppose your son has done this before? Suppose you have spoken to him about it, perhaps on several occasions? You might have already grounded him. Or lightly spanked him and denied him certain meaningful things. Yet the defiance is there and the bullying behavior continues. Now what??? Papal intervention?
Inner city parents know the downside of defiance. City streets, city blocks, indeed entire neighborhoods can be “occupied” by defiant youth who’ve never been taught right from wrong and who were never “switched” by their dad. Those defiant youth have turned the tables on society and they now hold hundreds of families hostage to their chaotic rule.
A final thought or two: we should all be cautious about substituting or imposing our family philosophy upon someone else. Family dynamics and family history are not interchangeable parts. They are singularly unique. And we should be equally wary about state agencies asserting authority over parents who are on the front lines. No child should be beaten or abused but a spanking should not ignite an agency’s trampling of the family structure. It’s a fine line and it demands caution. Let’s hope that Mr. Peterson and the state agencies get it right. Adrian knows that football used to be played without helmets. The barbarity of the game changed that. Perhaps switching should be next.
Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio.
Related Slideshow: The National Felony League - see the NE Patriots
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