Finneran: Plays Well With Others…......
Friday, April 22, 2016
Some personal favorite classes of mine from the time machine of life---history, geography, English and American literature (with Shakespeare, that dead European male still lapping the field), and math, including algebra, geometry, trigonometry, and calculus.
Some personal regrets regarding too few classes in certain subjects---religion, music, poetry, theater, and film. No excuses however............sports, work, poor time management, hanging out with friends, and juvenile immaturity kept me from indulging more of the academic banquet.
High school and college, with the right teachers and professors, can be delightful experiences. Horizons open up and discovery occurs. And that discovery feeds the soul, creates excitement, and leads one deeper and deeper into favorite fields. It’s a gorgeous chain reaction
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTEvery person in America can recall a special favorite teacher. The lucky ones in our midst might have had several such teachers. Talk about blessings. The work of such teachers is important, even vital, and their reward is generally slight. They receive more in the manner of psychic income than in real wealth.
Indeed, at a recent wake and funeral of a local principal of an elementary school for many years, the line of past and present students, past and present parents, and past and present colleagues was tantamount to the tribute given a President. The line stretched for several blocks and it lasted for hours. Such was the outpouring of tears, laughter, stories, and prayers.........certainly nothing financial to bank on but the immeasurable wealth of a deep ocean of love and thanks and respect for the gifts of learning which she gave.
Back to the time machine---I learned to like objective exams. I learned to like what was then “composition”, probably now labelled “writing”. As a reasonably capable student I did not suffer from exam fright. Good thing too, because at Latin School surprise exams occurred regularly, on top of lots of “regular” exams.
Looking back, I could not comprehend the “plays well with others” grade on early report cards. Because it involved “play”, usually in the form of physical recess, I assumed that everyone played well with others. Not so.
Today I see that category of “plays well with others” as critical to life. Friendships, relationships, classmates, teammates, and colleagues all depend upon each of us playing well with others.
Ironically, to develop the “plays well” skill, one has to be judgemental, sometimes severely so. Take the bully, the big loud obnoxious kid who always seems to pick on the lonely, the weak, and the “different” kids. Playing well with others usually means telling the bully to knock it off and telling the frightened kid that you’ve got his back. Telling the bully that his game is over, and that you’ll back it up with your fists, is judgemental for sure. He’s wrong and the lonely fearful kid is right. It’s that simple. No nuance. No ambiguity. Just cut the crap and drop the meanness. And the fact that you too might be a little bit scared of the bully forges the skill. It’s not supposed to be easy, it’s supposed to take effort.
Recently I learned about a couple of young kids who have formed a “kindness club” at school. These kids are very social, with good grades, plenty of friends, and few apparent problems. Yet they are aware enough to see that some kids are awkward or shy or lonely, probably hoping for inclusion and kindness. A couple of fourth-graders started the club with the idea of students posting kind thoughts and deeds on the school bulletin board. They like to think that the kindness will spread so that “everyone is kind to everyone else”.
I wonder at the contagion of kindness creating kindness creating further kindness, like a blessing of fertility. If so, then go forth and multiply. We need more, not less “plays well with others”.
Tom Finneran is the former Speaker of the Massachusetts House of Representatives, served as the head the Massachusetts Biotechnology Council, and was a longstanding radio voice in Boston radio.
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