Newport Manners & Etiquette: Wine Glass Etiquette, Rudeness, & 8 Faux Pas

Wednesday, October 04, 2017

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert

How to hold a wine glass, handle common faux pas, respond to rudeness, and what happens when a vegan falls in love with a meat-eater were all questions to Didi Lorillard this week at NewportManners.

Beyond conventional wine glass etiquette

Q. What is the correct way to hold a glass of wine? It's confusing because I was taught to hold a wine glass by its stem because holding the glass by the bowl warms the wine, but everywhere I look, whether in a pub, fancy restaurant or party, most people are holding on to that bowl of wine and not the stem. What is the modern etiquette for holding a wine glass? AG, Providence

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A. There are actually those who believe that knowing how to hold a wine glass correctly is an integral part of having good table manners. It's as important as eating food using good table manners. And that the manner in how you hold your wine glass says a lot about who you are. The truth is that many of us are apparently holding our wine glasses incorrectly. But with further investigation, I would say maybe not. I'm speaking from beyond conventional etiquette and manners.

Yes, if you are seated at a dinner party or restaurant you would take care in lifting your wine glass off the table by gently clenching the post between the bowl and the stand with your fingers, and then resting the glass with care after taking a sip.

However, if you're at a mixer event where you're on your feet socializing, networking, and shaking hands, the situation is different. Holding the post (or stem) of the wine glass is riskier than cupping the bowl with your hand. This way you can keep the red wine from tippling over onto your mother-in-law's white rug.

Wine experts say that holding the bowl of the wine glass warms the wine - and especially with chilled white wine, rosé, or champagne - should simply NOT be done.
I, on the other hand, say the exception should be that when you're on your feet in a crowded space and you don't want to dribble your wine on someone or have someone bump into your glass - cup the bowl from underneath.

How-to guide for handling 8 common faux pas

Q. Nobody is a bigger klutz than I am. When I can't remember a person's name at a conference, fall-over an antique end table at a holiday party, or arrive home to find food on my new tie that hadn't been there when I left, I'm mortified that I may have been walking around with this unseemly splotch. What do you say after "I'm sorry"? Name Withheld

A. Here are eight tips that should help you handle or simply avoid the next faux pas that comes your way:

When you've forgotten someone's name: In a group setting socially or in business, bring someone else into the conversation and the two other people will introduce themselves to each other when you say, "Do you two know each other?" Or ask for her/his business card or to enter their contact info into your phone. Lastly, admit that you're having a "senior moment."
When you've taken a fall in public: As quickly as possible stand up and shake it off with a laugh. Humor and humility go hand in hand. Before wearing new shoes to an event, scuff up the soles by wearing them outside the house first.
When you spill a drink or food: We're all human and we all make mistakes. Make a fast recovery by offering to clean up or pay for the dry cleaning, if you happen to have spilled red wine on your colleague's skirt-suit. A bit of humor goes a long way in relieving the sense of embarrassment that you feel. The same goes for those witnesses who feel for you.
When you've forgotten a birthday, social event or left a good friend off your guest list: With great sincerity say, "Please, forgive me." Even with the best of intentions sometimes we find ourselves so busy that we forget an important milestone, occasion or good friend.
When you discover anything you wouldn't want a boss or lover to see: Check your privacy settings on all social media outlets and delete, delete any post, photo or video that could be potentially embarrassing whether it involves alcohol, drugs, too much flesh, sex, or is too religious or too politically left or right wing.
When you've mistakenly responded to Reply All: In a group email, if you make a misstate send a follow-up email apologizing or make it more personal with a phone call or a short notecard.
When you falsely assume someone is pregnant: Never assume anyone is pregnant, has been pregnant, and will be pregnant. Furthermore, refrain from asking about children unless a man or woman has hinted at the fact that they have children. It's a huge faux pas. So don't say, "Do you have children?"
When you have a wardrobe mishap: A broken high heel, store tag hanging off the back of that new sweater, or that the décolleté of your dress is too deep when you're seated, take it as a reminder to do a serious wardrobe check and make sure any fallen hem or shredded pant cuff is mended before worn again.

How to respond to rudeness

Q. How do you react to rudeness? Do you respond by being rude back? Do you call the person out about their rude behavior? Or do you simply ignore the person? Arlene, Philadelphia

Newport Manners & Etiquette: Wine Glass Etiquette, Rudeness, & 8 Faux Pas

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