Newport Manners & Etiquette: Thanksgiving Tips for Holiday Cheer
Wednesday, November 27, 2013
Thanksgiving turkey wine etiquette. Bringing home my gay boyfriend for the holidays to make the big announcement. Tips for those who can't hold their liquor. Gift card etiquette for funerals. Merrymaking questions before Thanksgiving to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com.
Choosing wine for turkey
Dear Didi,
White or red wine with Thanksgiving turkey? Which to take to my new in-laws? D.B., Portsmouth
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTDear D.B.,
Both white and red wine pair equally well with turkey, because the bird has both dark and light meat. Some guests prefer light over the dark and others want both. In doubt, call to find out what kind of wine your host wants you to bring. Otherwise, ask in an upmarket liquor store for a White Burgundy or Sauvignon Blanc (also white), or/and a Pinot Noir (red). If the host asks for both, take one of each. Otherwise bring a couple of bottles of the same, either red or chilled white. It gets complicated with fresh wine glasses when there are too many options. Keep it simple, but good. Your host has a menu, a master plan, if your wine isn't drunk during the meal, don't take it personally, and you certainly wouldn't take it home. Most importantly, you didn't walk into your in-law's house empty handed. ~Didi
Handling drunks during the holidays
Dear Didi,
My boyfriend can't hold his liquor. He never drinks during the day. Only after work and before supper. How do I keep him from getting juiced up during family holiday dinners? T.R., Worcester, MA
Dear T.R.,
Feed your boyfriend something starchy ahead of time, such as a ham and cheese sandwich At the dinner table, pour him a glass of water and ask him to drink as much water as he does beer/wine. When he becomes tipsy, it's time to go home. If he balks, tell him the choice he makes to get juiced is effecting your relationship. Your concern is admirable. You have full credit for heading off any trouble at the pass, but it is ultimately his problem. ~Didi
Announcing your same-sex marriage at family festivities
Dear Didi,
My parents are surprisingly nice to my boyfriend and have invited him to come for Thanksgiving. During dinner we plan to announce that we're getting married. I want my parents, siblings, and their kids to accept him as my wife and I'm wondering how to make this easier for them. N.M., Boston
Dear N.M.,
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage. Nevertheless, holidays are not the proper occasion to make astounding announcements. Separate your personal milestone from your family holiday traditions. The key phrase in your question is "surprisingly nice." It sounds as though your relationship may still feel too new to them. Gently, help your family adjust by the two of you spending more time with them over the holidays and they'll come to understand how well you and your fiancée get along. After the holidays, visit with them privately, just the four of you, to make the special announcement. Since Thanksgiving is a festive occasion for all your family members, you don't want to steal the show with such an important personal announcement. Bringing home your boyfriend is one thing, bringing home your fiancée is serious--and, during the holidays, distracting. ~Didi
Gift cards for funerals
My mother-in-law just passed away. My sister-in-law's office sent a nice flower arrangement to the service along with a gift card. Who should actually get the gift card, my father-in-law or sister-in-law? H.D., North Providence
Dear H.D.,
Customarily, gifts of any nature go to the next of kin, who in this case would be your father-in-law, if they were still married. However, the next of kin can designate that gifts go to, say, a child of the deceased. You would have to clear this with the executor of your mother-in-law's estate, which could be either her husband, child, brother, friend, or lawyer. It would be up to the executor to work it out with the deceased's spouse. Traditionally, gifts of money would go toward funeral and burial expenses. In this case, someone could buy the gift card and the money would be used to help with funeral expenses. ~Didi
Do you have a question for Didi? Email it to [email protected] or visit her at NewportManners.com. If your question is used, we can withhold your name and address. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." Check out previous Newport Manners & Etiquette columns below the slideshow. More topics can be accessed by clicking here.
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