Newport Manners & Etiquette: Relationships, Birth Control + More
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Relationships are on everybody's minds around Valentine's Day – couples dealing with birth control issues, mother-of-the-groom dress code for a February wedding, and work related funeral etiquette, as well as thank-you note etiquette were all queries to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com.
Birth control etiquette
Dear Didi,
Our dilemma for the past 3 1/2 years has been that my boyfriend and I have been struggling with birth control. I won't go into details, but nothing seems to work whether they're barriers, birth control pills or an IUD. He won't get a vasectomy and I don't want to get my tubes tied. How do we resolve this gnawing issue amicably? L.L., Providence
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTDear L.L.,
When all else fails, he's not up for a vasectomy and you don't want a tubal ligation. It is time to get a period-tracking app. There are several popular applications (iPeriod, Clue, PTracker, and PeriodDiary) that act as an all-purpose tracker documenting your cycles to help you make informed choices about when to to have safe sex. The benefits of having your cycles documented are invaluable, and apparently the app is so much fun that everybody is doing it. ~Didi
Thank-you etiquette today
Dear Didi,
Whatever happened to the handwritten thank-you note? Does it matter if I just text a quick thanks or do I still have to get out my unused stationery? Ellie, Coventry
Dear Ellie,
We are so wired to our devices that handwriting skills are on the wane. We abbreviate the word 'tomorrow' when we text, so when we handwrite the word and we've forgotten the correct spelling, there's no e-helper to correct us. When we handwrite we remember we're in a wired world. We're used to deleting and correcting a mistake without the receiver knowing our original mistake; when we take pen to paper we become frustrated when we've made a mistake we can't correct, and the note will be less than perfect. Tear it up and start again. When there is no delete button do we start again or gently augment the mistake? It's far easier to type the thank-you note these days.
The point is to say thank you.
The current standard on this is that if you receive a written invitation or a gift of over sixty dollars, you handwrite a thank-you note. When the invitation was an e-vite and the gift costs under a hundred, it is fine to write an email thank-you. When the invitation for dinner or lunch was texted, you can text your thank-you. ~Didi
Funeral Etiquette for a former boss' husband
Dear Didi,
My ex boss' husband was killed and I am unsure if I should to go to the funeral service. We worked together for 3 to 4 years. One part of me feels like going because I want to give her support but the other feels I would be intruding. Name withheld
Dear anonymous,
You worked with your former boss for three to four years, which should give you enough rapport that she would recognize you had made an effort to take the time to support her at this very difficult and sad time. She is no doubt in extreme shock. Seeing past and present friends and colleagues from work will be a comfort to her. She will appreciate the effort you made to show your respect. ~Didi
Mother-of-the-Groom Etiquette
Hello, I am the mother-of-the-groom. I need to know if it will be okay to wear a black tea-length gown to his wedding. The wedding is the end of Feb. @ 5pm. S.T., Boston
Dear S.T.,
Wearing black is considered ultrachic, even at your son's wedding. However, check with the bride first, because some cultures are superstitious about wearing black at a wedding. It could be perceived as a negative sign that you, the groom's mother, don't like the bride. On the other hand, there are those of us who feel there is nothing more elegant than a black dress in the evening.
Nonetheless, the tea gown length can be iffy. Firstly, you would have to be tall to pull the length off, because it cuts the calves in half making a woman look shorter than she is. Secondly, it is called tea-length because historically it is the length of a dress worn at an afternoon tea party. If the ceremony is at five o'clock followed by a evening reception, you would wear cocktail length. Meaning, knee-length dress, unless the wedding invitation specifies Black Tie or Formal Attire and the MOB is wearing a long dress. Think of the wedding photos. It just makes sense that the mothers would be dressed in a similar length and style.
Traditionally, you would start by asking the mother-of-the-bride what she is wearing: style, fabric, length, and color. You would then wear a outfit that was similar, but suited you. ~Didi
Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com. We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." Previous weekly GoLocalProv.com columns can be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above righthand search. The slideshow below is not endorsed by her.
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