Newport Manners & Etiquette: Relationship Dilemmas + More
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
There is new sexual politics etiquette for everything from office relationships to paid paternity leave when it comes to keeping New Year's resolutions. How do you correctly introduce someone with a silly nickname? More questions this week about 2014 wedding etiquette and guest dress codes for a winter wedding to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com.
Keeping that first resolution
Dear Didi,
My first goal in 2014 is to find a new job and get away from my creepy boss. I work for the state and hear about job openings in other departments, but I know my badass boss will prevent that from happening. Our offices are spacious but my boss is always in my space eating up my time with small talk and busywork. How do I apply for a new job without him finding out? Name and location withheld
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTDear anonymous,
Unless it's a mandatory policy for state employees to disclose to their boss that they are applying for a different job, you shouldn't have to mention your goal to anyone in your department. Chances are the word is out about your creepy boss and you're not the first cohort looking for a fresh start. Don't you dare talk about a new opportunity until you know you've got a new job. Go for it and take credit for all that you're doing. ~Didi
Working toward paid paternity leave in 2014
Dear Didi,
My wife and I are happy to be having our first child. Because I can work from home and my wife can't, it makes more sense for me to be the stay-at-home dad with the help of a part-time caregiver and apply for paternity leave, but I'm not sure how to negotiate this with the corporation I work for because they don't offer paternity leave. Thus the dilemma? C.N., location withheld
Dear C.N.,
As you no doubt know, nonbiological parents of adopted and even surrogate babies are all entitled to ten weeks of paid parenting leave, so as the biological father you're the outlier on this one. Talk to your boss. Explain that biological fathers are treated like second-hand parents, but that's changing fast. Currently 15% of the corporations in this country offer paid paternity benefits and the demand is growing. Your employer will know that you could file a costly charge against your company with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, should the corporation be unwilling to work with you on paid paternity leave. ~Didi
Wedding reply card and introduction etiquette
Dear Didi,
How do I fill out a wedding reply card that begins with M followed by a line to be filled out when it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. and my husband is a Dr. (PHD)? This is my nephew's fiancée addressing us and she probably doesn't know this. What is the proper way to respond? Cross out the M and replace with Dr. and Mrs. Adam Jones? Or Mr. and Mrs. Adam Jones?
And while I'm on the subject, even though my nephew knows me by my nickname Aunt Bitsy, I go by Elizabeth and I don't like to be introduced with my nickname. How do I handle that at their wedding? E.B., Providence
Dear E.B.,
You are correct. With a pen draw a gentle slash through the M and write in 'Dr. and Mrs. Adam Jones.' Although in a social situation such as this one (when only medical doctors use Dr.), technically you would write Mr. and Mrs., but Dr. and Mrs. isn't incorrect.
Usually when someone doesn't want to be introduced as Didi or Bitsy to strangers, you put out your hand during the introduction and say, "Elizabeth Jones." You can take your nephew and/or his fiancée aside and say, "I introduce myself as Elizabeth, if you don't mind, Bitsy is just for family." ~Didi
Winter wedding guest dress code
Dear Didi,
I am attending a 1:00p.m. wedding on January 19th in Connecticut. I live in Florida and I'm freaking out because I have never attended a winter wedding where it is going to be so cold. I have no idea what to wear. Please help!! S.O., Coral Gables, FL
Dear S.O.,
Don't freak out, a one o'clock wedding is not formal. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify 'Black Tie' or 'Formal Attire,' you can assume the dress code is 'Suits & Dresses.' Ideally you would wear a nice snuggly knee-length wool or jersey skirt-suit or long-sleeved dress, or a mid-weight pantsuit. Since I don't know anything about you, try looking at various websites online such as: what2wearwhere.com, renttherunway.com, and halsbrook.com. At Rent the Runway you can rent or buy an outfit for the wedding. Halsbrook is for women over forty and What2WearWhere is helpful for all ages looking for a special occasion outfit. Take a look at the different styles:
RenttheRunway.com
• Wedding boutique/Daytime
• Rachel Roy's Mix Media Combo Dress
Halsbrook.com
• Winter Chic
• Red Valentino Lace-Detailed Wool Dress
What2WearWhere.com
• Daytime
• Sweater Dresses
• Knit Dresses
If renting or buying is not an option, wear a black knee-length pencil skirt with a beautiful sweater or jacket, cozy Wolford legwear and black leather or suede boots or leather pumps, and do carry a small clutch bag. Don't forget that you'll keep even warmer with a pair of gloves. ~Didi
Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com. We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, “Newport Etiquette." Previous weeklyGoLocalProv.com columns can be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above lefthand search. Didi Lorillard does not endorse the slideshow below.
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