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Newport Manners & Etiquette: Relationship Dilemmas + More

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

 

Time to find a different job?

There is new sexual politics etiquette for everything from office relationships to paid paternity leave when it comes to keeping New Year's resolutions. How do you correctly introduce someone with a silly nickname? More questions this week about 2014 wedding etiquette and guest dress codes for a winter wedding to Didi Lorillard at NewportManners.com.

Keeping that first resolution

Dear Didi,

My first goal in 2014 is to find a new job and get away from my creepy boss. I work for the state and hear about job openings in other departments, but I know my badass boss will prevent that from happening. Our offices are spacious but my boss is always in my space eating up my time with small talk and busywork. How do I apply for a new job without him finding out? Name and location withheld

Dear anonymous,

Unless it's a mandatory policy for state employees to disclose to their boss that they are applying for a different job, you shouldn't have to mention your goal to anyone in your department. Chances are the word is out about your creepy boss and you're not the first cohort looking for a fresh start. Don't you dare talk about a new opportunity until you know you've got a new job. Go for it and take credit for all that you're doing. ~Didi

Working toward paid paternity leave in 2014

Dear Didi,

My wife and I are happy to be having our first child. Because I can work from home and my wife can't, it makes more sense for me to be the stay-at-home dad with the help of a part-time caregiver and apply for paternity leave, but I'm not sure how to negotiate this with the corporation I work for because they don't offer paternity leave. Thus the dilemma? C.N., location withheld

Dear C.N.,

As you no doubt know, nonbiological parents of adopted and even surrogate babies are all entitled to ten weeks of paid parenting leave, so as the biological father you're the outlier on this one. Talk to your boss. Explain that biological fathers are treated like second-hand parents, but that's changing fast. Currently 15% of the corporations in this country offer paid paternity benefits and the demand is growing. Your employer will know that you could file a costly charge against your company with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, should the corporation be unwilling to work with you on paid paternity leave. ~Didi

Wedding reply card and introduction etiquette

Dear Didi,

How do I fill out a wedding reply card that begins with M followed by a line to be filled out when it was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. and my husband is a Dr. (PHD)? This is my nephew's fiancée addressing us and she probably doesn't know this. What is the proper way to respond? Cross out the M and replace with Dr. and Mrs. Adam Jones? Or Mr. and Mrs. Adam Jones?

And while I'm on the subject, even though my nephew knows me by my nickname Aunt Bitsy, I go by Elizabeth and I don't like to be introduced with my nickname. How do I handle that at their wedding? E.B., Providence

Dear E.B.,

You are correct. With a pen draw a gentle slash through the M and write in 'Dr. and Mrs. Adam Jones.' Although in a social situation such as this one (when only medical doctors use Dr.), technically you would write Mr. and Mrs., but Dr. and Mrs. isn't incorrect.

Usually when someone doesn't want to be introduced as Didi or Bitsy to strangers, you put out your hand during the introduction and say, "Elizabeth Jones." You can take your nephew and/or his fiancée aside and say, "I introduce myself as Elizabeth, if you don't mind, Bitsy is just for family." ~Didi

Winter wedding guest dress code

Dear Didi,

I am attending a 1:00p.m. wedding on January 19th in Connecticut. I live in Florida and I'm freaking out because I have never attended a winter wedding where it is going to be so cold. I have no idea what to wear. Please help!! S.O., Coral Gables, FL

Dear S.O.,

Don't freak out, a one o'clock wedding is not formal. When the wedding invitation doesn't specify 'Black Tie' or 'Formal Attire,' you can assume the dress code is 'Suits & Dresses.' Ideally you would wear a nice snuggly knee-length wool or jersey skirt-suit or long-sleeved dress, or a mid-weight pantsuit. Since I don't know anything about you, try looking at various websites online such as: what2wearwhere.com, renttherunway.com, and halsbrook.com. At Rent the Runway you can rent or buy an outfit for the wedding. Halsbrook is for women over forty and What2WearWhere is helpful for all ages looking for a special occasion outfit. Take a look at the different styles:

RenttheRunway.com
• Wedding boutique/Daytime
• Rachel Roy's Mix Media Combo Dress

Halsbrook.com
• Winter Chic
• Red Valentino Lace-Detailed Wool Dress

What2WearWhere.com
• Daytime
• Sweater Dresses
• Knit Dresses

If renting or buying is not an option, wear a black knee-length pencil skirt with a beautiful sweater or jacket, cozy Wolford legwear and black leather or suede boots or leather pumps, and do carry a small clutch bag. Don't forget that you'll keep even warmer with a pair of gloves. ~Didi

 

Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at NewportManners.com. We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, “Newport Etiquette." Previous weeklyGoLocalProv.com columns can be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above lefthand search. Didi Lorillard does not endorse the slideshow below.

 

Related Slideshow: 10 New England Wine Getaways

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Newport Vineyards

Newport Vineyards is the perfect Rhode Island destination for wine lovers year round. Visit the winery this weekend for tastings and tours, featuring an array of award winning wines.

909 E Main Road, Middletown, RI. (401) 848-5161.

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Carolyn's Sakonnet Vineya

Carolyn’s Sakonnet Vineyards in Little Compton is much more than just a winery—it is a place to get away from the stresses of life and indulge your senses, a place to try new things, a place to focus on you. The vineyard is open every day, and invites you to come for a tasting and tour. Try their Petite Red, Vidal Blanc, and many more of their distinctive wines.

162 W Main Road, Little Compton, RI. (401) 635-8486.

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Greenvale Vineyards

Visit Greenvale Vineyards in Portsmouth to sample their estate grown and produced wine, made in small batches. While at the estate, try seven different wines and keep the wine glass for only $12. While you are tasting, take in the gorgeous views of both the vineyard and river. Besides tasting the wines, Greenvale also invites customers to tour the winery and learn about the history and process of winemaking at the vineyard.

582 Wapping Road, Portsmouth, RI. (401) 847-3777.

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Maugle Sierra Vineyards

For a trip to a vineyard that includes much more than just wine, hop over the border to Ledyard, CT, to check out Maugle Sierra Vineyards. The vineyard hosts live music on Fridays and Sundays to compliment your wine tasting experience. Pack a dinner or light fare and enjoy a tasting session in the Sierra Room while you take in the sunset.

825 Colonel Ledyard Highway, Ledyard, CT. (860) 464-2987.

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Nickle Creek Vineyards

Nickle Creek Vineyard is a family owned and operated Rhode Island wine treasure. The winery, located in Foster, makes it their mission to handcraft the most unique, high quality wines in the business. All wines are created in small batches, giving them a distinctly unique taste. This weekend, visit their tasting room to try their variety of wines. On your way out, be sure to pick up a bottle of Foster Nights to get you through those chilly New England evenings.

12 King Road, Foster, RI. (401) 369-3694.

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Nashoba Valley Winery

Take the bite off the winter chill this weekend and take a drive to Nashoba Valley Winery in Bolton. The winery hosts tasting events everyday from 10am-4:30pm For $5, receive a free tasting glass and samples of up to five different wines. Some favorites include Strawberry Rhubarb Wine, Holiday Special Cranberry Apple (a new release in November 2013), and New English Cider. If you are in the mood for something other than wine (if that’s possible), check out their beer selection as well!

100 Wattaquadock Hill Road, Bolton, MA. (978) 779-5521.

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Bishop’s Orchards Winery

The wines from Bishop’s Orchards Winery and Farm Market in Guilford, CT, have won over 179 medals since the winery opened in 2005. The tasting room at Bishop’s is open seven days a week year round, so no time is off-limits for wine tasting. Head over on the weekend to enjoy a winery tour pre or post tasting session. While visiting the winery, also be sure to check out the market for fresh baked goodies.

1355 Boston Post Road, Guilford, CT. (203) 453-2338.

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Diamond Hill Vineyards

For a cool twist on classic wine labels, look no further than Diamond Hill Vineyard in Cumberland. At Diamond Hill, you can get custom designed wine labels perfect for any occasion. If you’re interested in tasting the wines, visit their elegant tasting room for samples of their high quality wines such as Cranberry Apple, Estate Pinot Noir, or Blackberry.

3145 Diamond Hill Road, Cumberland, RI. (401) 333-2751.

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Westport Rivers

Westport Rivers Vineyard & Winery

Tucked away on the southern coast of Massachusetts, Westport Rivers Vineyard & Winery, located about an hour’s drive from Worcester, is worth the trip. For only $10, you can take home a special edition etched wine glass and enjoy a tasting of up to six of their award-winning wines. While the tasting room is open Monday-Saturday, free winery tours are also offered to the public every Saturday from 1-3pm.

417 Hixbridge Rd, Westport, MA. (508) 636-3423.

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Travessia Winery

Found on the southern Massachusetts coast about 30 minutes outside of Providence, is Travessia Winery in New Bedford. This micro-winery puts a twist on traditional wine culture with its cool urban flair. Travessia is open for sales and tastings Wednesday-Sunday, and invites customers to come in and enjoy their unique variety of wines.

760 Purchase Street, New Bedford, MA. (774) 929-6534.

 
 

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