Coming to the end of Love Month, Didi Lorillard answered questions about how to talk about bad sex to your lover, what to do when you are equally in love with two people, Vaping Etiquette, and NewportManners Wedding Dress Code for 2018.
Trending Informal Wedding Dress Code
Q. What style of wedding dress code is appropriate for a 4:00 ceremony. The reception for 50 people will follow immediately after the ceremony. We are having a cocktail hour, then dinner, and dancing. I am the Mother-of-the-Bride. The wedding colors are blush, ivory, and periwinkle (a very pale blue, similar to a Williamsburg blue). Very soft colors. Mother-of-the-Bride, Atlanta, GA
A. Dear Elizabeth, Your daughter's wedding sounds lovely. Fifty guests is a perfect number. Close friends and family. About the wedding dress code:
A four o'clock wedding is traditionally a semi-formal wedding. The wedding party can be dressed formally, but the guests do not have to wear tuxedos and long evening dresses. Since this will not be a formal church wedding, the dress code is slightly informal.
The groom, best man, and ushers follow a set dress code. Meaning mid-grey, charcoal grey, or navy blue suits. There is also a trend in warm weather toward khaki suits and navy blue blazers worn with off-white trousers (quite handsome in the photos).
The bride would not have a wedding gown with a train, nor a cathedral veil of great length, and the skirt length could be knee-length, ankle-length or any length in between. The wedding dress would not be a ballgown, but even for a church wedding her shoulders can be bare (though not if held in a Catholic church).
The bridesmaids' dresses can be of different styles to suit the particular bridesmaid, but are usually the same length, fabric and color. The choice of color is up to the bride because the color reflect her dress, bouquet and wedding colors. Knee length is preferable for a 4:00 pm wedding, even when the bride's gown is long.
The mother-of-the-bride chooses her dress, usually in a shade of beige or a pastel, and sends a photo and/or description to the mother-of-the-groom (who traditionally wears beige or blue). In wedding photos the mothers-of-the-bride and groom always look the best when they are wearing the same length and basically a similar style, although not necessarily the exact same color. Neither would wear white nor any shade of off-white. The only woman at your daughter's wedding wearing white is the bride.
List the dress code on the invitation as Business Suits, or for a less informal wedding, Jackets & Ties. If it is decided that all the men are to wear tuxedos, the dress code is Black Tie; although, you'll find that most women guests will prefer to wear knee-length dresses or dinner suits, rather than a long dress.
We are here to help, Elizabeth, and happy to answer any further questions. As my info about your daughter's wedding was limited, this is a rather general answer to your important question.
The Politics of Pleasure
Q. What is the best way to talk about bad sex? I feel I need to talk about it, but I don't know how to bring it up without sounding as though I'm shaming him or being critical. I don't consider myself a "Second Wave" feminist or a Twitter feminist, I just like sex. Name Withheld
A. Bad sex for women is different from bad sex for men. What the guy perceives is stress from trying to keep pace so that when he arrives at the right time and with the right tempo, he won't be too exhausted. Bad sex for a women varies from sensing disinterest to succumbing to the grinding of a workhorse.
The classic cultural conditioning of submission: his organism is requisite, hers elective. The reward is self-esteem; the price is self-respect.
As women are expected/socialized to be the emotional nannies at their own expense, our sexually illiterate culture makes it difficult to talk about bad sex and the many nuances of consent or the curves of great sex.
If he likes to read, send him this short story, "The Cat Person," by Kristen Roupenian, from the online New Yorker magazine. Hopefully, after reading this sexy story he'll then be open to a discussion about the intricacies of intimate sex and gender power dynamics.
Q. My roommate complains about my vaping. It's totally legal, but he's on my case about not smoking in our dorm room. It's cold out and I'm not always fully dressed for the weather. How do I politely convince him that vaping is OK? Name Withheld, Providence
A. Obviously, you're not vaping in bed, while waiting in a queue, dining in a cafeteria, and you would never light up in your dorm common room, even though socially in polite society, the etiquette for vaping is opening up. Nonetheless, vaping is not universally accepted, the rules are discretionary, but vaping is now fairly mainstream in Europe and the US.
You'll have to find a place where you can vape, or deal with donning a jacket and walking outside to vape.
Don't vape in anyone's face, it's as rude as blowing tobacco smoke in their eyes.
Ask when you're in someone else's room or home, before you vape.
Never vape while being around a person who is cooking, or around any children.
A recent survey of 2,000 people sponsored by the leading e-cigarette brand, Vype, found that the number one grievance, the gravest faux pas made, is vaping while enclosed in a small space, such as a car, restroom, hallway, entryway, passageway.
However, with the use of the sleek Juul*, (which resembles a flash drive making the e-cigaretts easier to conceal) you could probably get away with smoking in the backseat of someone's car without them realizing it. By the way, despite the juicy-teen flavors offered by Juul, its mission statement swears they're not marketing to teenagers despite the choice of pod flavors: cool mint, mango, fruit medley.
According to a just released New York State study of teens smoking e-cigaretts, one in five vape - nearly twice the national average.
E-cigaretts don't use tobacco, they emit warmed up liquid nicotine heated to a vapor.
According to the New York Times, in a recent NYU study of teenagers it was revealed that the results of lab rats exposed to nicotine vapor for twelve weeks showed that "e-cigaretts can cause damage DNA, thus impeding the ability of cells to repair themselves, possibly increasing the risk of cancer and heart disease."
*Juul is an easy to conceal handsome, sleek flash-drive size object with a two-part system consisting of a battery operated temperature regulation device with a cartridge that comes in an assortment of tremendously chic marketed colors. Supposedly the difference between Juul and other e-cigarettes, aside from the sleek-chic design, is that Juul is free-base nicotine, it is nicotine salts found in the tobacco leaf.
One Too Many Women
Q. Is it right to fall in love with two ladies at once? Oluwapelumi, Kwara, Nigeria
A. Dear Oluwapelumi, since I'm not a priest or relationship therapist, my answer is based on manners and etiquette.
First off, you probably feel like a fool for being romantically in love with two women at the same time, and feeling guilty that you're breaking some kind of rule or taboo. A lot depends upon which woman you are the most committed to. If you are married to one, work on that relationship first; don't see the other woman while you're trying to make a decision about the first woman.
Loving two people at the same time must feel overwhelming.
It is perfectly possible that you are capable of loving two women at the same time. Although, eventually you may start running out of energy and resources trying to please two women, and that could affect your health, as well as your bank balance.
Your two relationships may be at two different stages. The first being a flirtatious infatuation, while the other has reached a more mature level.
Ask yourself:
If the table was turned and one of the women was romantically in love with two men and couldn't decide between two guys, what would you advise her to do?
How do you feel while imagining both of these women kissing other men?
Which woman would you not be willing to share with someone else?
What would you think if you knew one of the women was in love with someone else?
Is it about love or sex?
Are you really torn between two lovers or do you have your ego and love mixed up?
Occasionally, love comes knocking and you find yourself torn between two lovers. Best of luck.
Didi Lorillard researches manners and etiquette at NewportManners for a forthcoming book.
Related Slideshow: Some of the Most Interesting GoLocal LIVE Interviews—The First 1,000
Enda Kenny, former Prime Minister - the Taoiseach - of Ireland, joined GoLocal LIVE to discuss the growing trade opportunities sparked by the new direct air travel between Rhode Island's T.F. Green via Norwegian Air.
Kenny has been instrumental with his support for the Ireland West International Trade Center in Rhode Island and the RI Trade Center in Mayo.
At the time of the interview, a Rhode Island trade mission was visiting Ireland led in part by Warwick Mayor Scott Avedisian, who also appeared on LIVE.
Kenny served as Prime Minister from 2011 until earlier 2017.
Johnston native Amanda Clayton was almost ready to give up on her acting dreams when she got the call to travel to Atlanta to meet Tyler Perry and test-read with other actors for the then-new show “If Loving You Is Wrong," an opportunity that has been life and career changing for Clayton.
Having moved to New York at 19, five days before 9/11, she studied on-camera acting at New York Conservatory for Dramatic Arts and eventually moved to Los Angeles to pursue film and TV opportunities in Hollywood.
She appeared in Disney’s “John Carter," multiple TV appearances like NCIS: New Orleans, Major Crimes, and The Mentalist, and as Vinny Pazienza’s sister in “Bleed for This” filmed and based right here in Rhode Island.
Clayton just finished a Lifetime Movie “Mommy’s Little Angel”, coming out next year, and finished a role behind-the-scenes as a producer for “Dirty Dead Con Men.”
“If Loving You Is Wrong” airs Tuesday nights on OWN.
When your career begins at age 11 as the youngest artist to reach #1 on the Billboard charts and continues on through adulthood, it’s almost difficult to believe one could still have professional firsts, but RI native and “The Voice” Alum, Billy Gilman, did just that with his first ever arena concert at the Dunkin Donuts Center.
Johanne Killeen of Al Forno shared both the story on GoLocal LIVE's "The Taste," of how grilled pizza began -- as well as the announcement on her new cookbook highlighting pizza.
She told the story of how one of America's greatest restaurants was started and where it is going in the future.
Mystic Aquarium’s Penguin Trainers Eric Fox and Josh Davis visited GoLocal LIVE with Blue-Purple and Blue-Red penguins, talking about how you can help the Endangered South African species.
They also discussed trips to South Africa, what it’s like working with penguins, and what’s on the penguin’s lunch menu.
Mystic Aquarium’s mission is to inspire people to care for and protect the ocean planet through education, conservation and research. To help accomplish that mission, Mystic Aquarium offers educational opportunities and fundraising events to continue their conservation work and teach the public about the ocean’s creatures.
“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” alum, Jai Rodriguez, joined GoLocal LIVE to talk about his new show “Sex Tips for Straight Women from a Gay Man’’ currently running in Vegas until January of 2018.
Rodriguez co-stars in the audience-participation heavy live show with reality TV personality, Kendra Wilkinson, and says the subject matter of the show is perfect for the crowd in Vegas.
Lincoln Chafee, former Mayor, U.S. Senator and Governor, took Rhode Island Governor Gina Raimondo’s administration to task for promoting economic growth by funneling tax dollars to some of America’s richest corporations, in one of a number of appearances on GoLocal LIVE.
Appearing on GoLocal LIVE with GoLocal News Editor Kate Nagle, Chafee said the Raimondo’s transfer of taxpayers dollars to billion dollar companies such as General Electric and Johnson & Johnson was flawed.
“I have never liked corporate welfare. It's unfair to existing businesses…some out of state business comes in and you give them the candy store. I just don’t like it," said Chafee.
As only the 10th person to serve as the Archivist of the United States, David Ferriero said it’s been amazing to learn responsibilities of the position and get to know the staff at the National Archives. He appeared on GoLocal LIVE with Molly O'Brien at GoLocal's downtown Providence studio.
“The most exciting thing is getting to know the records and getting to know the richness of the documentation that tells our country’s history, starting with the oaths of allegiance signed at Valley Forge by George Washington and the troops, all the way up to the tweets that are being created as I am speaking, in the White House,” Ferriero said.
Governor Gina Raimondo joined GoLocal News Editor Kate Nagle on LIVE where she discussed the UHIP technology failure, economic development, the status of 38 Studios, and how she works to build a lasting legacy for Rhode Island.
Who are five of the most influential people to change personal technology? The most important journalist gave his insight on personal tech to date and outlined where we are going.
Super tech journalist and Rhode Island native Walt Mossberg appeared on GoLocal LIVE with GoLocal's News Editor Kate Nagle.
"Well, it was a combination of really important people - and really important technology," said Mossberg. "It took too long for the computer industry to get the memo that these things had to be usable without reading manuals."
Mossberg, who served as the principal technology columnist for the Wall Street Journal from 1991 to 2013, founded AllThingsD, Recode, and the D and Code Conferences, and from 2015 to 2017, was Executive Editor of The Verge.
Gretchen Morgenson, a top financial writer for the New York Times [now the Wall Street Journal], joined GoLocal LIVE just hours after her newspaper published her investigative piece that unveiled that claims that financial giant TIAA was involved in improper financial practices took on new momentum.
Rhode Island’s Treasurer Seth Magaziner has nearly $700 million invested with TIAA.
Morgenson was first to report that, “New York’s attorney general has subpoenaed TIAA, the giant insurance company, and investment firm, seeking documents and information relating to its sales practices…”
In October, she wrote a sweeping investigative piece that raised questions about TIAA’s selling strategies. “The subpoena to TIAA, which handles retirement accounts for over four million workers at 15,000 nonprofit institutions across the country, followed an article last month in The New York Times that raised questions about the firm’s selling techniques,” wrote Morgenson.
On GoLocal LIVE, Morgenson told News Editor Kate Nagle in a Skype interview, “I think clients in all states should be worried -- Mr. [Seth] Magaziner should do a little more investigation into this to assure himself and the people in Rhode Island in these plans - that what TIAA is [telling them] is correct.”
Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, Ron Powers said his recent book, “No One Cares About Crazy People: The Chaos and Heartbreak of Mental Health in America” is one he promised himself he would never write.
The book is based on the true story of his two sons' struggles with mental illness. Both were diagnosed with Schizophrenia as young men.
While deeply personal, Powers gave insight on the battles his sons’ fought and details into their family life. He also looked at the history of mental illness, including incarceration, medication and more.
"I was determined to give the mentally ill, invisible to much of society and often denied the very basic acknowledgment of their own humanity, a voice,” Powers said.
Powers is the author or co-author of 14 previous books, including New York Times bestselling “Flags of our Fathers” and “True Compass."
Bastianich explained how she was inspired by family traditions and how she first got into the culinary world. She has since carried on her passion and it now has involved to include her whole family in all her endeavors.
Big news -- Bastianich announced that Eataly could be opening in Toronto, Canada in 2018.
Magician and comedian Piff the Magic Dragon appeared on LIVE before he performed five shows at the Comedy Connection in East Providence over Labor Day Weekend.
“New show, all new jokes, all new tricks, same dog,” Piff said. “Mr. Piffles will be doing a lot of mind reading. He’s got his whole new act with The Dog Who Knows and he’ll be attempting to see all and know all. Ask him anything and he’ll tell you.”
Known for his dry sense of humor and rescue K-9 sidekick Mr. Piffles, Piff gained worldwide attention after his success on season 10 of America’s Got Talent.
Although Piff didn’t win that season, he’s made guest appearances on America’s Got Talent, racked up 50 million YouTube views, and recently extended his show at the Flamingo in Las Vegas until the end of 2018.
“He is the symptom and agent of the emerging nationalism. And, nationalism should not be considered patriotism. Patriotism is the love of your own. Nationalism is the hatred of others,” said Lesieur at the Hope Club.
In a sweeping discussion with GoLocal, he spoke about Europe in the Brexit, the Trump relationship with Russian leader Vladimir Putin and the wild French election campaign.
Former Rhode Island Congressman Patrick Kennedy spoke with GoLocal LIVE about efforts in Rhode Island in 2017 to legalize marijuana - and what he said is the country’s crisis of addiction, and why he is opposed to marijuana legalization.
“We’re going through an epidemic of addiction and depression…and we’re in the midst of the rollback the biggest expansion of healthcare coverage that benefits people with mental illness [and] addiction, and this was the first time the ever got coverage,” Kennedy told GoLocal’s Kate Nagle on Wednesday.
“We ought to think do we want to throw gasoline on the fire,” said Kennedy, of legalizing marijuana in Rhode Island. “We know what’s happened with other addictive substances where’s basically there’s no perception of ‘risk’ — alcohol is ubiquitous; tobacco, until the settlements, there was no appetite for addressing [the impact of that].”
“Going down this road of adding a new intoxicant is not a good thing,” said Kennedy.
Beverly Daniel Tatum, Former Spelman College President
Former president of Spelman College, Beverly Daniel Tatum, Ph.D., is one of the nation’s leading experts on race, and the psychology of race.
Tatum recently released a fully revised and updated edition of her bestselling book “Why Are the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria: And Other Conversations About Race.”
In an interview with LIVE, Tatum said it’s important to have conversations about race and listen for opportunities to have natural discussions.
“We can’t solve a problem if we can’t talk about it,” the Brock International Prize in Education winner said.
To make a change, she said, we all have a role to play and each of us has an opportunity.
“We all have a sphere of influence. Everybody influences someone, and we should not be afraid to use that influence to bring about the changes we hope to see,” she said.
Terrorism and international relations expert Mark Baillie of King's College in London's War Studies Department spoke with GoLocal's Kate Nagle regarding the post-Manchester landscape in England - and the world.
"The young guy...did it in his mother's basement. Any lone actor can make a powerful bomb," said Baillie following the terrorism incident. "We're in the midst of a general election where politicians talk about there being no political or cultural backlash."
"And estimated 300 people are 'ready to go' - 400 who have been fighting with Isis in Syria -- and in a group of about 20,000 supporters," noted Baillie of the UK landscape, calling Manchester and acts like it the "terrorism of the mundane" -- and much more frightening than "spectacular" acts of terrorism.
Baillie, who runs seminars on a wide range of security matters at King's and at the UK Joint Staff College, has lived or worked in more than 14 countries in the fields of news, security, finance, economics, business and politics and appears widely in international news media on terrorism and international security.
Geragos is one of Hollywood's biggest celebrity lawyers having represented rapper Chris Brown and Michael Jackson over the years. When asked about his relationship with the often legal troubled Brown, Geragos said that the rapper is "like a son and an annuity" to him.
In reference to a lawsuit that he is representing Alex and Ani over, Geragos said, "For lack of a better word, we've got a couple of knuckleheads, [and] it's not at the forefront of anything we're worried about."
"Unfortunately when you become successful people want to take an elevator to the penthouse and that won't happen here, trust me," said Geragos.
Geragos explained how he met Alex and Ani CEO Carolyn Rafaelian - and spoke to how the "company culture" brought him in.
"I was at a charity event at Carolyn's Sakonnet Vineyard -- she was doing a fundraiser for an Armenian orphanage," said Geragos. "They have a unique blend of doing humanitarian work...Carolyn was the hit in New York this week."
Model, entrepreneur and activist Gisele Bündchen, co-anchor of Good Morning America Robin Roberts; and Rafaelian were among the women recognized Tuesday in New York City by the David Lynch Foundation (DLF), a global charitable organization that addresses the epidemic of trauma and toxic stress amongst at-risk populations.
