Newport Manners & Etiquette: Breaking-Up Is Hard to Do

Wednesday, March 12, 2014


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How to find a date after a breakup.

How to politely control crashers at your St. Patrick's Day party, how to find a date after a breakup, how to finalize a long overdue divorce, and when not to text. All questions to Didi Lorillard at this week.

After the breakup

How do I meet women of my same background? I'm now revisiting the singles bar and club scenes and it isn't working for me anymore. O.P., Chicago

It sounds labor intensive, but if you have patience and perseverance you can find a date or a mate through dating websites. You also need a thick skin and sense of humor. The Internet's invisibility shields you while you figure if this candidate or that would suit you. The trick is to narrow down your search by matching yourself with like-mindeds with the same ethics, political and religious beliefs, who are on the same page about sexuality, alcohol and drugs.

For college students, CollegeExplorer, YoungandSingle, and If you're over forty or fifty, try OurTime, eHarmony, OKCupid,,, BlackPeopleMeet. JDate caters to Jewish singles; for Christians, BlackChristianPeopleMeet, ChristianSingles, LoveandSeek; for earthy types, FarmersOnly, FarmerRomance, Partners4Farmers, FarmerDatingSite; for ranchers there are sites for ChristianRanchers, or just singles, CowboyCowgirl, DateACowboy, EquestrianSingles and for older ranchers Mingle2. Not to be left out, meet vegans near you at VeganDatingScene, VeggieConnection, VeganPassions, VeggieDate, VeganInLove. And then there's green: GreenSingles, PlanetEarthSingles, EthicalSingles. Just google 'dating sites' and add your location and persuasion, for instance, SpiritualSingles or BlackAfrican. No, I haven't tried all of these, so I'm in the dark about results. But these sites could be a start. ~Didi

St. Patrick's Day Hosts

Since we live near the parade route, every year we host a Saint Patrick's Day party. But the numbers have gotten out of hand. The problem is that friends bring friends. How do we tell the friends whom we do want that they can bring a date, but not everyone on their contact list. We end up not knowing half the people we end up feeding. E+G, Newport

Send out a text well ahead of time; then follow up reiterating to bring one guest only and their own beer. ~Didi

Dumped on Valentines

My girlfriend broke up with me on Valentines Day. Since our two-year anniversary is coming up, would it be nerdy of me to send her a playful text? I don't want to seem like a jerk, but I'm not over her. Brian, Providence

I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you're a romantic who'll soon get over your heartbreak and find a new Valentine who appreciates your good humor, and who won't dump you on Valentines Day. But I would forget texting. ~Didi

A Wake to Make the Break

This kind of a question is for an expert such as yourself. My wife and I haven't lived together for the past 10 years. No legal paperwork exists. Everyone on my side thinks we are divorced including my girlfriend. My wife and I just never had money to divorce and since we are both in our 50s figured we wouldn't remarry. Her father just passed away, should I attend the wake? I knew him for 30 plus years, but we just hadn't seen each other in at least 10. D.P., Location withheld

Don't you think it is time to tidy up your affairs? It is disingenuous of you to keep the fact that you are legally married from your girlfriend. Let alone from your family. It is time to come clean. Your girlfriend may not care one way or the other, because it has been ten years since you separated from your wife and she's the one who is with you now. However, if your girlfriend finds out on her own, she may wonder if you're hiding more than just your marital status.

When deciding whether or not to attend your father-in-law's wake, remember that people who think you are still married will wonder why you didn't attend. What's more, you knew the man for thirty years. If you held him in high regard and have fond memories of him, you should go out of respect. If you couldn't stand him, it would be hypocritical to attend.

The wake may be the window of opportunity you need to ask your wife if she's ready for a divorce, after a respectable time of mourning. At the very least, phone her to find out how she would feel about making your ten-year separation legal. At this point in time, it should be fairly easy because 50 states and the District of Columbia allow for no-fault divorces. It really comes down to paperwork. ~Didi


Do you have a question for Didi? Visit her at We can withhold your name and location. Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book,"Newport Etiquette." Previous weekly columns may be found by typing in Didi Lorillard in the above righthand search.


Related Slideshow: 10 Ways to Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day

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St. Pat’s 5K

If you’re looking for a different way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, think about participating in the St.Pat’s 5K. The Tour de Patrick includes three 5K races in three different cities. On March 8th the Tour de Patrick hits Providence with the race starting at 11am at the Rhode Island State House. Make sure to register for the race online. After the race, the St. Patrick’s Day Parade starts at 12 pm on Smith Street. For more information, click here.

St. Pat’s 5K: Rhode Island State House, Smith Street, Providence, RI, 02908

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Newport St. Patrick’s Day Parade

On March 15th don’t miss your opportunity to be a part of Newport’s 58th annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade. The parade begins at 11 am at Newport City Hall and will include everything from marching bands to clown units. After the parade make sure to check out the alcohol-free St. Patrick’s Day family celebration which will feature bag pipers and Irish step dancers. Entry to this event is free and you’ll have the chance to win giveaways and cash prizes. Click here for more information. 

St. Patrick’s Day Parade: 43 Broadway, Newport, RI, 02840

St. Patrick’s Day Family Celebration: The “Hut,” Golden Hill Street, Newport, RI, 02840 (Behind Newport Public Library)

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South Boston St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Brought to you by the Allied War Veteran’s Council, South Boston’s one and only St. Patrick’s Day Parade will be held on March 16th. This parade is said to be the second largest parade in the country and is seen on live TV. The parade starts at 1pm. Make sure to check their website for the parade route as well as a list of pubs and bars recommended by the parade commitee. For more details, go here

St. Patrick’s Day Parade: West Broadway, Boston, MA, 02127

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11th Annual Mystic Irish Parade

If you want to keep the Irish spirit alive after St. Patrick’s Day, the 11th Annual Mystic Irish Parade is on March 23rd. This single day celebration has over 2,000 marchers and 30,000 spectators. There will also be decorated floats, Gaelic music, and the famous Irish jig. The parade kicks off at 1pm and is an event you will not want to miss. Keep checking their website for parade route information. Click here for more information. 

11th Annual Mystic Irish Parade: Mystic, Connecticut

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Harpoon St. Patrick’s Day Festival

St. Patrick’s Day is not a one day celebration, at least not according to the Harpoon St. Patrick’s Day Festival. On Friday March 7th from 5:30 pm to 11 pm (doors close at 9:30 pm) and Saturday March 8th from 2 pm to 9 pm (doors close at 7:30 pm) step inside the largest brewery in Boston and enjoy food venders selling corned beef and cabbage and cash bars featuring Harpoon Celtic Red. Also get ready to dance the Irish jig because both nights feature 4 or more live bands. The coverage charge is $20 at the door (cash only). For more details, visit their website

Harpoon Brewery: 306 Northern Avenue, Boston, MA, 02210

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Greater New Haven St. Patrick’s Day Parade

Connecticut has another great parade on Sunday March 16th in Greater New Haven. This parade which begins at 1:30 pm is a free event and is the largest spectator event in Connecticut. This parade features 3,000 marchers, bag pipers, clowns and marching units, and will be broadcasted on FOX CT. Click here for more details. 

St. Patrick’s Day Parade: Derby Avenue and Chapel Street, New Haven, CT, 06511

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A Little Bit of Ireland

Described as pure Celtic magic, the A Little Bit of Ireland show on March 15th and 16th at the Reagle Music Theatre is now celebrating its 16th anniversary. As the largest Irish show in New England, this show features Irish tenors, Riverdance, a master Irish comic and a peek at Irish cottage life. There are three shows and tickets start at $35, purchase them online. Visit their website for more information.

Reagle Music Theatre: 617 Lexington Street, Waltham, MA, 02452

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Durgin Park

One of the best parts about St. Patrick’s Day is of course the corned beef and cabbage dinner. Durgin Park located near Faneuil Hall in Boston is known for its traditional New England corned beef and cabbage dinners so you won’t have to miss out on this Irish tradition. For more information, click here.  

Durgin Park: 340 Faneuil Hall Market Place, Boston, MA, 02109

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Worcester County St. Patrick’s Parade

The St. Patrick’s Day Parade in Worcester County is a great way to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day in Massachusetts and take pride in your Irish- American heritage. The Worcester County St. Patrick’s Parade Committee is a nonprofit organization dedicated to a safe family-oriented parade, which begins March 9th at 12 pm. Click here for details. 

St. Patrick’s Parade: Park Avenue, Worcester, 01602

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Faneuil Hall is not the only place to enjoy some traditional Irish cuisine, RiRa is a popular Irish pub in Providence that serves some great Irish food including a Guinness stew and house brined corn beef. Make sure to check their website for events, they often feature trivia nights and live music. For more information, visit RiRa online.

RiRa:: 50 Exchange Terrace, Providence, RI, 02903 


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