Newport Manners & Etiquette: Air Kissing

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Didi Lorillard, GoLocalProv Manners + Etiquette Expert

 

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With the holiday season sneaking up on us, questions to Didi Lorillard are trending toward how to behave in social situations, most notably about air kissing, reapplying lipstick in public, cellphones while shopping, and office party dress code. All new this week at NewportManners.com.

Air Kissing at Parties

Is air kissing rude or not?  We're taking a poll in our office about what the etiquette is on air kissing. Please, help us out.  Adele, Jersey City, NJ

Air kissing is vaguely impersonal although more friendly with a warm smile and short intensive eye contact—the power gaze. Blowing an air kiss is a greeting halfway between the windshield wiper hand wave and skin-on-skin facial contact. Best blown from across the room or on your way in or out of a crowded space.

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The social nuance of the air kiss is, "Good to see you, we'll catch up later." In a more flirtatious manner—"our future is in the air."

As the holidays approach, along with large and small celebrations, it's good to remember that air kissing is the most sociable way to greet without catching someone's cold or passing along yours. Unlike a social kiss that can be creepy and try-hard, the air kiss can be a blow off.

Watch out for those irritating kissing interlopers who only kiss when they can be seen in close contact with you.

In any event, it's mostly vanity. Who wants to smudge their freshly applied lipstick while giving a big wet smack on the lips? It depends on the situation.  ~Didi

Applying Lipstick in Public

My mother says, "Never put on lipstick at the dinner table," or for that matter -- in public, because it is rude. Is that some sort of rule, or is she just old-fashioned?  Annie, Newport

Color me shocked. You apply lipstick at the dinner table? Etiquette keeps up with changing times. There are two sides here.

Once, it was thought inconsiderate to groom yourself in public. When you left your house your makeup and hair were supposed to be set for the day or occasion.

When with the older generation, don't annoy them any more than you have to because they might consider you inconsiderate. With your parents, in-laws, older relatives, teachers, and superiors at work, never conspicuously apply lipstick in front of them. Wait for their gaze to drift in a different direction.

If you're caught out of the corner of their eye, make sure the object of their objection is beautifully packaged. When you're sixteen, you can get away with a bubble gum pink wand.  Otherwise, Chanel, Clarins or some such touch of elegant design is less objectionable.

When you sneak off to check for messages, you can touch up your lipstick. With your friends, discreetly whip out that lip gloss wand to wave across your lips and return it to your cosmetic bag. Do you really want to be known of as the vain woman who takes out a mirror and touches up her makeup on a whim?

Discretion over vanity. The act of reapplying lipstick should be as smooth as removing a bit of salad wedged between your two front teeth. You feel it there and you get the job done swiftly.

There are, however, those who find watching a woman applying her lipstick wonderfully seductive.  ~Didi

Cellphone Rudeness 

Is it rude to ignore a living person in favor of a cellphone? I work on a checkout counter at a large home goods store where customers talk on their cellphones while checking out. They'll ask me a question, but don't hear the answer because they're listening to the cellphone at the same time. I feel as though they put me on hold and ignore me, when they should be paying attention to the transaction. I'll say they have to swipe their card again, but they're too busy talking to pay attention to what I'm saying. In the meantime, they are slowing down the line making me feel less productive. How does a guy get respect?  Patrick, Providence

The customer may always be right in most instances, but when it comes to making someone else's job more difficult because the customer is inconsiderate, it is time to take a stand and be proactive. Tell your superior you want a no cellphone sign at your register because cellphones are slowing down the lines. If he says no, ask him to consider a compromise and allow you to post one for two weeks to see if the line works smoother. With the onslaught of holiday shoppers upon you, you better put that sign up soon.  ~Didi

Office Party Dress Code

My husband and I have been invited to an event at his work and the dress is "Party Chic." I have a knee length, off the shoulder black dress with embellishments on the shoulders. Would this dress be appropriate for the dress code? I have heard that other women are wearing pants, so I don't want to be too dressed up. 

Also, what would be appropriate dress for my husband. We are both in our late forties.  H.M, Seattle, WA

Chic is personal. For you, your black, off the shoulder, knee-length dress is chic. For other women, pants are chic. It sounds as though you've found your own style, so flaunt it. I'm with you. "Party Chic" is a fun dress code encouraging guests to be fashionable and flaunt their style.

Cocktail attire for a man is a jacket, tie, and well-shined shoes. Suggest to your husband that he wears his favorite combination. If this isn't the conservative jacket and tie crowd, look at the Belstaff.com website for men's jackets; when he finds a look he likes, scroll down to find 'Complete The Look,' with ideas for trousers, sweaters, and short boots.

The dress code for cocktail parties, office parties and "Party Chic" is more about the quality of the outfit than the dressiness.  ~Didi

Do you have a dilemma about love, family and life in general for Didi? Visit her newly redesigned NewportManners.com where Didi researches etiquette and all matters of manners for her book, "Newport Etiquette." If your Question is used, we can withhold your name and/or location. Do explore Didi Lorillard's earlier columns listed below.

 

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