Modern Manners: Thank-You Notes
Saturday, January 01, 2011
It's ironic. Now that we have e-mail to make writing thank-you notes easier, most of us aren't bothering to write thank-you notes at all. What's with that? Come to think of it, when did you last receive a thank-you note? And, furthermore, when did you last write one? Whether it is a thank you for an overly priced bridal registry gift, or to the interviewer of that dream job that you really, really wanted, you just didn't get around to doing it. In fact, you haven't written your grandfather to thank him for that handsome Christmas check and it is already the new year. Will you?
You can do it. After all, it's just a simple acknowledgment of the time and money that somebody spent gifting you a present. Shopping, choosing, paying, wrapping, mailing, or remembering to bring it to the party. Most important, think of the delight that she/he will get from receiving a hand-written envelope with a special personalized note inside just for her/him.
Thank-you Note Dos + Don'ts
Do: get yourself a box of thank-you notes or cards that reflect your style and personality, along with a sheet of stamps.
Do: find a comfortable pen that you actually enjoy using. It can be a fountain pen or a thin felt tip pen, it doesn't matter as long as it flows.
Do: start by making a list of the people you have to send thank-you notes to and be sure to check-off the name after you've sealed each envelope because it will feel gratifying.
Do: try to write your thank-you notes all in one sitting, starting with the first gift you received and ending with the last. Once you get into the flow of writing them, you can pretty much write the same note to each person just by changing a couple of pronouns, nouns, and adjectives to fit the gift. Nobody compares thank-you notes because they're so pleased when they receive one .
Do: look at the gift before sitting down to write the note and find at least two nice things you can say about it. "It's green and it will pay for my next tank of gas," "It's so sweet, I'll be nibbling on that peanut brittle for weeks," "My new red sweater is so cozy and warm that I just don't want to take it off." Or more seriously, "Mom and dad, thanks for the check towards my tuition, I love college and I want to be able to graduate. Thanks to you, that might actually happen!"
Do: start by thanking the person for exactly what it is that the person gave you: a gift card, a check, cash, a bottle of champagne, a scented candle, earmuffs, homemade brownies. Then say what you like about it," "You know I always love your gift best because you know me so well," or, simply, "This is the best present you could have given me."
Do: read the thank-you note over to make sure that you've crossed your t's and dotted those i's. After you've named the object make sure that you describe it and say why you like it. Is it warm, useful, handy, something I can't live without, funny, ?
Do: let the adjectives flow in describing the object: beautiful, cute, its color, user-friendly, cool, awesome, fabulous, interesting, fun, amusing, practical...
Do: when signing off, be sure to wish the person a wonderful New Year.
Do: remember, when appropriate, to include the partner, spouse, or person's child, by saying, "Love and thanks to you and Roger," "Alice joins me in wishing you and John a Happy New Year."
Don't procrastinate!
Don't worry, don't fret, a thank-you note doesn't have to be longer than two short paragraphs, although three short ones are preferable. Each paragraph can be as short as one sentence long.
Don't forget to mail your thank-you notes.
Don't despair if you just can't write them by hand, e-mailing a thank-you note is almost as good. Second best, but better than not sending any acknowledgment at all.
Lastly, don't even think of texting a thank-you note.
Didi Lorillard is a born and bred Newporter. While living in New York City for many years, she published two books, Guide New York, New York: A Counter Chic to Manhattan and Buy the Best. After raising two daughters, she moved back to Newport with her husband, the historian and author, Robert Cowley. For more inspiration and guidance on etiquette and modern manners, visit her Web site, here.
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