Modern Manners: Kissing Dos and Don’ts

 

When it comes to kissing and loving there can never be too much knowledge. Our lips express many things, and let's face it, ladies, there is nothing as good as a romantic kiss that confirms what we already know—a kiss is more than just a kiss. It's a complicated part of courtship where unconscious chemicals signal to evaluate and maintain a relationship. Apparently, while a bad first kiss can be a deal-breaker for both sexes, men are more willing to go ahead and have sex with someone whose first kiss was not good and give it another chance.

 

*Lips are a 100 times more sensitive than finger tips—the genital area isn't nearly as sensitive as your lips.

*Many women have orgasms while lip kissing romantically.

*2/3rds of us tip our heads to the right when we kiss—scholars say it stems from life in the womb.

*The most important muscle used in a kiss, the orbicularis oris, flexes when we pucker our lips.

*The record for the longest kiss, 31 hours and 30 seconds, was performed in London.

*Male saliva has higher amounts of the libido enhancing sex hormone testosterone, which is why men are sloppier kissers—instinctively they are attempting to arouse the woman's sex hormones by salivating more.

*The latest research found most college students lose interest during the first kiss. The evolutionary psychologist, Gordon G. Gallup, Jr. is quoted as saying, “While many forces lead two people to connect romantically, the kiss, particularly the first kiss, can be a deal breaker.”

*Furthermore, the study found that the sexes differ in how they perceive kissing. Men tend to kiss “as a means to an end.” Whereas, women kiss because they want a relationship, or to take a read on their lover's depth of commitment. Dr. Gallup goes on to say that, “When two people kiss there is a rich and complicated exchange of information involving chemical, tactile, and postural cues. This may activate evolved mechanisms that function to discourage reproduction among individuals who are genetically incompatible.”

*Researches also found that women place far more emphasis on kissing and moreover, most said they would never have sex without kissing, and really want to kiss during sex and after sex. No surprise there. Nor is it news that men reported they would be happier not kissing during sex; far more men than women were willing to have sex with someone who was not a “good” kisser.

*The data is clear: men are much more likely to initiate mouth kissing and tongue contact; for both sexes kissing is a way of maintaining a bonded relationship—now that's a good a thing!

Be confident, especially when expressing affection—first impressions count.

Be sure your breath is fresh.

Hold the other person gently at first.

Pucker your lips and relax your muscles into the kiss.

Concentrate on the sensations you're giving and getting.

Breathe through your nose so you don't have to gasp.

Notice how the other person reacts to your kiss.

Pace it while you change the intensity of the kiss.

Be in the moment 100 percent—don't be thinking about the girl who got away.

Keep your lips and tongue fairly loose, not hard—nobody wants to kiss a robot.

Breathe with your partner.

Be part of the kiss and read the emotions.

Use just enough tongue to feel the other person's tongue—don't shove it down their throat.

Gently stroke along her spine or the back of her neck.

Remember that the greatest kisses are all about the lips.

Try different ways of nuzzling his lips to make them feel good.

Smile after you kiss to say you won't forget the kiss.

Don't kiss someone you don't know well unexpectedly.

Don't plant that first serious kiss in a public space.

Don't race through a kiss—slow down—start gently.

Don't tightly close your lips.

Don't cut off her oxygen supply.

Don't keep your eyes closed or he'll think you're thinking of someone else.

Don't keep your eyes open all the time because that's creepy.

Don't be a slobbery kisser—nobody wants to swap saliva.

Don't open your mouth so wide that she feels she's being swallowed.

Don't octopus your hands all over the other person's body—no gropping.

Don't lick anyone else's teeth.

Don't be still or silent after the kissing—say something reassuring.

 

Didi Lorillard writes about behavior in our culture and society. Kissing is especially important to her and she's always amused when someone gives her a good smacker on the lips. Ask Didi questions at www.NewportManners.com or follow her on Twitter and Facebook—after you've read her previous columns on www.golocalprov.com.