Modern Manners + Etiquette: Tipping Your Hair Stylist & More
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
A salon owner writes in to make a case for tipping the owner even though she runs the place. What does Didi think?
Dear Didi,
If a "friend" with whom you're having a tiff approaches you in an adversarial manner in the middle of the dance floor in the middle of a party at a mutual friend's house, what do you do? B.G., Narragansett
Dear B.G.,
Take it outside. Leave the dance floor and escort him outside the way you would take an out-of-control child away from an overstimulated environment. Tell the "friend": that you don't want to be rude to your hosts, Ted and Alice, or your partner/date and you want to call a truce. Remind him you are guests and the grievance between you and him has absolutely nothing to do with the host and hostess. Offer to talk at another time. Shake hands and leave to go back to your partner. But make sure you first agree that "We shouldn't be spoiling the party." "Let's not make a scene." "Let's not make a spectacle of ourselves." And finally, "We shouldn't be ruining the Brown's party; it's really rude of us."
Don't assassinate his character, don't criticize him, do talk about his behavior and the rudeness of the situation. Make him look at the situation from a third person's point of view, not yours. Use etiquette and manners to your advantage. You don't want to find yourself in your own remake of Jules and Jim. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
My neighbor keeps blowing grass into my yard when he cuts their lawn. Is there proper etiquette on mowing lawn when you have neighbors on both sides? J.L., Riverside
Dear J.L.,
I understand your frustration. My neighbor has a huge tree that only seems to shed onto my garden and gravel driveway because the wind blows from south to north. You might jokingly suggest to your neighbor that the next time he buys a new lawnmower, to be sure it has a collector so that the mowed grass doesn't end up on your lawn. This is one of those situations that can only be handled with humor. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
DRESS FOR MEN, WEDDING 8-25-12 5:30PM AT THEIR HOME OUTDOORS, IMMEDIATE FAMILY ONLY SMALL WEDDING. WHAT WOULD BE PROPER ATTIRE, OPTIONS ARE? F.A., DETROIT
Dear F.A.,
When the wedding invitation—either in writing or verbally—doesn't specify Black Tie or Formal Attire, you can assume the dress code is Suits & Dresses. As this is an early evening wedding, you would wear cocktail attire, which depending on your wardrobe could be a summer suit or a lightweight jacket or blazer with dress khakis, light grey flannels, or colored trousers. Even though it is a small, immediate family-only wedding, out of respect for the bride on her wedding day you would wear a jacket and tie. Both of which can be taken off after the ceremony—but wait until the host takes his off first. Fold your tie into your jacket pocket and leave your jacket on the back of your chair. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
Why is it not OK to tip the owner of the salon who is doing your service? Do you think that person makes more money because they own the business? In defense of those like me, I am paid on salary from MY business. This is to pay for my rent (home) and utilities. Not much more. What I make and what my business makes are two totally different things. If my business doesn't make any money in a given month, I have to pay for my business expenses out of pocket. I actually rely very much on tips to pay for groceries and for my fun money. Just something to think about. I think that you will find the same response from any small business owner in the beauty industry. J.W., Worcester, MA
Dear J.W.,
Thank you for your thought-provoking question. Customarily, clients assume that they tip the salaried hairstylists and colorist and anyone else who works on them: for instance, the hair washer and the manicurist. However, not the owner of the establishment because s/he profits from the business. Now, if I knew the owner made the same salary as the other employees, I would tip him/her, if he/she charged the same fee as the salaried employees. Usually, the owner charges a higher fee.
Traditionally, when the owner works in the salon, she/he is considered the expert hairstylist and therefore when you book an appointment with the owner, you assume the charge will be greater than that for the work of the salaried employee.
Try looking at it this way, when I go to Joe's Diner for breakfast, I tip the waitress who serves me. However, if she's not there one morning and Joe himself takes my order and brings me my bacon, eggs and coffee, I don't tip Joe. I don't tip Joe because he owns the diner and it would seem insulting. I don't know if Joe is on salary, but for better or for worse, he is the owner.
Now, a hairstylist is in another league from a waiter. I tip her/him and I give him/her a monetary Christmas gift. No, I don't give Joe at the diner a monetary Christmas gift, but I would give a favorite waiter or waitress larger tips around Christmastime. I certainly wouldn't think to give the owner of the beauty salon a monetary gift at Christmas—unless he was my regular stylist—any more than I would give one to Joe at the diner.
In my town, there are hair salons where the hairstylists pay to rent their station, therefor all the stylists are on the same level and all the charges are the same for the same services. Perhaps the standard etiquette is wrong or should be more flexible to consider owner/stylists who make the same salary as their employees. In that case, the owner/stylist should communicate this to his clientele. ~Didi
Didi Lorillard researches shifting etiquette at NewportManners.com by answering questions on relationship dilemmas, wedding etiquette, dress codes and manners. Or find Didi on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, or Pinterest after reading her earlier GoLocalProv.com columns, some of which are listed below.
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