Modern Manners + Etiquette: Social Media Misbehaviors
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Are we all getting a little out of control with our social media behaviors? Photo: Tattoo Socks/Etsy.
Dear Didi,
My mom follows me on Twitter. It's embarrassing and outright creepy because I'm 32 and she always responds to my tweets. Isn't she too old to be using Twitter? How do I tell her to stop following me? Charles, Barrington
Dear Charles,
Have a one-on-one conversation with your mother to tell her why you use Twitter and to ask why she uses it. Tell her you love her and that's why you don't want her looking foolish. Suggest that if she doesn't stop following you, you'll change your Twitter address; she should start texting or e-mailing you instead. Add that you don't tweet with family because you keep up with them in other ways—and besides, Charles, you don't like being spied on.
Give her four good reasons why you use Twitter: to catch up with your friends; to follow your favorite celebrities' conversations; to keep up on your industry and the people and trends that influence it—influencers; to learn about what's going on in the world. Then gently warn her that if she isn't following Twitter etiquette her creeping tweets could be misunderstood. Remind her of five etiquette tips: Don't respond to every tweet because it makes you look like you don't have a life and that scares people off; get rid of the egg photo and change your photo and update your info periodically; don't ask people to respond to you because it looks as though you're grappling for attention; don't "tweavesdrop" because it makes you look like a robot when you follow a lot of people but never tweet; stay off Twitter when you're feeling emotionally needy because it's not the place to confess, melt down, or look for psychotherapy. You need to set privacy boundaries with your mother. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
My wife, who never loses anything, goes berserk when she can't find her phone. She has either left it in her car or we find it in the laundry basket or under the sheets, but all hell breaks lose until it's found. Then after it's found she gets upset that she was so upset about losing it. This is driving me crazy and I need to know how to deal with her lost cellphone rage. J.S., Fall River
Dear J.S.,
You are not alone. Nomophobia is all the rage. It is the fear of being out of mobile phone contact. What's worse than losing your keys or wallet? Being without your smartphone that holds all your contact information. "No-mobil-phone phobia" is an anxiety suffered by mobile phone users that has been studied and identified by the U.K. Post Office. A survey of 2,163 people found that 58% of men and 48% of women suffer from the phobia. 55% cited becoming anxious about losing touch with family and friends when they can't use their cellphones.
Discuss with her why she never loses her keys or wallet and you might find that she has a set place for them, say, either on a table near the front door or in her handbag. Her smartphone, however, is on her person, either in her jacket, jeans or bathrobe pocket or beside her on the nearest surface. When it's not, gently encourage her to get in the habit of putting it with her keys and/or wallet when it's not on her or her charger. At the very least, she'll be reminded of your gentle conversation the next time it gets buried between the sheets. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
What is the purpose of closing messages with XXOO? I find it meaningless. People I rarely see send me emails and texts and write on my FB wall closing with XXOO. It makes me feel as if I'm still in middle school. Yet, "Best regards" sounds too impersonal and "Love" sounds too mushy. But isn't XXOO even mushier? And then there's the closing--just "Hugs," P.G., Warwick
Dear P.G.,
The mark X goes back to Medieval times when a cross was placed at the end of a written letter, and/or on the envelope, to signify sincerity. A kiss was then placed on the cross. Often the sender didn't know how to write and the letter was written for him, thus he placed his cross and kissed it. In North America Jewish emigrants used the O in lieu of the cross, which also represents Christianity. Along the way, the O came to embrace the meaning of "hug." The closing "Hugs" has come to mean friendship. Cut your acquaintances some slack when they offer a sign of sincerity. ~Didi
Dear Didi,
Recently I heard from someone I hadn't seen or communicated with since 1971 who was friending me on Facebook. When I asked him to remind me how I knew him, he wrote back on my wall saying he was a member of my ex-boyfriend's rock band. He then went on to write that my old boyfriend died in the nineties nine years after being diagnosed with HIV. He was a drug user. The next time I went to my home page I discovered in the top left column an ad for an HIV therapy tracker that reads: Find out about a free desktop application to track HIV treatments. Since those bygone days I've been tested twice for everything imaginable and luckily I don't have any infections. What upsets me is the bad etiquette of Facebook to pick up on the mention of the HIV illness from my wall and then advertise a product for HIV patients on my home page. What if my children or colleagues see these ads? E.S., Providence
Dear E.S.,
You have my condolences on all accounts. It is unconscionable that Facebook uses all of its friends' information to sell them ads. And, I should say, sell them out. Facebook is inherently evil. You have two choices, either you're so disgusted with Facebook that you close your account, or you get a close friend to write on your wall mentioning subjects such as cooking, gardening, shoes, dogs, babies, chocolate, an airline or hotel chain, and the next time you look, with a bit more luck, that HIV ad will have been replaced by one far more cheerful. ~Didi
Didi Lorillard tracks trends in relationships, weddings, funerals, and codes of conduct on NewportManners.com or you can find her on Facebook, Twitter, or LinkedIn, after you've read previous GoLocalProv columns listed below.
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