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Modern Manners + Etiquette: Sex Etiquette

Monday, July 18, 2011

 

Every man wants to be assured that he's up on current sex etiquette. As much as I dislike writing about sex on the WWW, the trend is in and everybody's asking, “Can I wake him up after he's rolled over, or is that impolite if he's out for the night?” Yes, wake him.

For some of us, sex is more than a quickie in the backseat of a convertible or in a bathroom while clubbing after midnight. Whether you're blissfully married, in a lasting affair, or you both know it's a one-night stand, there is an etiquette as to how to make the other person still love and respect you the morning after.

You know who you are.

The sleeper

The worst sexual partners roll over and pass out when they're done. If that's the pattern, it's more than likely it can't be broken. Although it's questionable as to whether passing out is as bad as bolting after the deed is done. If he's asleep, he's as good as gone.
 

The bolter
Bolting is just as bad as flaking out after you're done. It doesn't bode well if he bolts out the door, because he'll probably leave you standing alone at the alter. Usually they've patented the excuse, such as an early morning meeting or conference call. What plumber arrives at seven AM?
 
The date with the dirty sheets
When the sheets aren't clean, it's a safe bet that the occupant isn't clean. Plain and simple, unclean sheets are unhygienic. Aside from smelling gross, they are not healthful or sanitary. Plus, nobody wants sheets ripe with whiffs of your last sexual partner.
 
The unprotected
It goes without saying, not having protection is verboten. And those not wanting to use protection are simply ignorant, arrogant, and stupid. If he doesn't care about his health, he's not going to care about yours. If he doesn't respect your health, then don't have sex with him until he does. Clearly, if he wants unprotected sex, ask him to get tested first.
 
The fetish fantasizer
If that's you, be sensitive about breaking the mood. Should you be into what is commonly called kinky sex, talk it out. Some people don't like surprises. Don't go knocking on any doors that say "Private-Keep Out" without asking.
 

The ten worst sex etiquette mistakes

Poor personal hygiene: Bad breath, unshaven... Do you get caught off-guard ungroomed? Spontaneity is great, but quickly save face by excusing yourself to wash up.
 
Avoiding foreplay: It's expected and important. Start by praising her beauty and sexiness.
 
Finishing first: Remember, ladies first. Being selfish is not gentlemanly.
 
Surprised ejaculation: Let the other person know when it's coming.
 
Springing fetish fantasies: Whether it's a foot fetish, handcuffs, or whatever, talk it out beforehand.
 
Not cuddling: She might not want you back. Try it, you might like it.
 
Answering interruptions: They're a mood sinker. Turn off and tune out the rest of the world until the morning.
 
Calling out your former partner's name.
 
Ripping off clothing: You might think you're King Kong, but be considerate because someone's going to have to sew on those buttons or replace that zipper.
 
Being silent: Most men want silence, most women want instruction. The Swiss developmental psychologist and philosopher Jean Piaget (1896-1980) said it best. There's a “huge disconnect” between men and women in the ways sex feels good. Don't make assumptions; find out the other person's likes and dislikes.
 
Didi's sure she's left out lots, let her know on her Web site NewportManners.com. Didi Lorillard is also on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, after you've read her GoLocalProv columns listed below.
 

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:)