Modern Manners + Etiquette: Holiday Office Party Dos + Dont’s
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Since etiquette and manners never take a holiday, thank you one and all for your continued support through your retweets, likes, shares, comments, and questions. I'm overwhelmed by the response you've given NewportManners.com and this column; I am both humbled and grateful. Here are gentle last-minute reminders for those attending holiday office parties, and for those of us who aren't, a list of some Dos & Don'ts.
First off, check to make sure that guests of guests are actually invited before inviting anyone to accompany you to your office holiday party, because it might not be open to spouses, partners, or random dates. You wouldn't want that awkward moment when you have to introduce your hot date--the only stranger in the room--to your project manager. The holiday office party will probably cost your company a flat fee per person. If the party is only for employees, they are not including your plus one in their headcount to the caterer. Many companies these days don't include non-employees because the cost can be prohibitive. Don't assume the invitation is for you and one other. Be sure to ask first.
Upon entering the party space, stop, look, and listen. Head to a small group of cheerful coworkers who look as though they've just had a good laugh, and not towards the group that is, more than likely, griping about the latest change in company policy.
Remember your host is your boss, without interrupting him, place yourself in a position where you can jump in and get face time. Even if you think he knows your name, never assume that he does. Stick out your hand and say, "Andrew Jackson, mergers and acquisitions." He'll appreciate the fact that you've told him your first and last name, as well as your department. Also, it is always good to have something of interest to say to your boss, so that when he asks, "What's going on?" You can respond with a tidbit you think he might want to know.
Once you've thanked the boss for throwing the holiday bash, you can make your way to the bar. They say that it is important to have a glass of water for every alcoholic drink, but most people don't pay attention to that over the holidays. Just be careful that you don't end up on Facebook looking foolish.
Remember, more and more, bosses are gauging social skills on how their employees behave during face-to-face conversations in social situations. An employee who writes incredibly articulate briefs and memos, may become tongue tied during a face-to-face conversation that is chasing a new deal over lunch. Employers want to know which employees will represent them best to clients; which is why office parties are a good test of who can hold their liquor, as well as keep up their end of the conversation.
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Watch what you say: don't gossip about coworkers or complain about corporate policy.
Watch where you put your hands: draping your arm over a colleague's shoulder or putting your arm around someone's waist could be judged as inappropriate office behavior. On the other hand, letting someone put their arm around your waist or kiss you could well be perceived as a sign that you're looking for love in all the wrong places. Please, do not display physical affection to coworkers at holiday parties, even if you're caught under the mistletoe. Remember, that if you do let that mistletoe kiss linger, you will be asking for trouble--but you know that. Don't be a tease.
To that point, dress appropriately. Just because it is party time, it doesn't mean that you can show cleavage or chest hair. No matter what your friends say they are wearing, suit up. Dress professionally and not in a provocative fashion. Some of the most successful woman executives know how to come off as alluring and fun by being slightly mysterious by not showing the goods. Yes ladies, wear your best business suit to work that day, but for the office party change into those beautiful high heels you bought to go clubbing. Let your hair down and reapply the lip gloss. Men, brush your teeth and wear a jacket and tie.
Here are some reminders, so you don't make that gaffe nobody forgets.
Yes, do suit up for your wife's holiday office party, because you want to fit the part of the dignified spouse.
No, you don't have to buy presents, instead give handmade coupons for your time shoveling snow, baby sitting, baking cookies, etc.
Yes, do tip the person who delivers your paper at six in the morning.
No, don't lick your fingers after gnawing on that turkey leg. Use your napkin.
Yes, you can re-gift that candy dish, as long as you don't give it to anyone who knows the original sender.
No, you cannot tell your sister you don't like the brown scarf she gave you.
Yes, you can ask family and guests to turn off their cellphones and e-gadgets during Christmas dinner.
No, you cannot use a Christmas card to express your condolences. Holidays cards are supposed to be Merry.
Yes, you can use a Christmas card as a thank-you note for a holiday party by adding a line of gratitude.
No, you don't have to give a boxed gift. Give a present in the name of the receiver that says you care, through one of many humanitarian organizations. For example:
International Rescue Committee: $30 will buy a flock of chickens for a needy family.
Helen Keller International: $25 will provide eyeglasses for a child.
Against Malaria: $5 will buy a bed net to protect people from mosquitoes that carry malaria.
CARE: $29 will buy a girl a school uniform.
Reading Is Fundamental: Provides free books to over four million children a year across the United States.
Heifer International: You can stock a fish pond for $300.
Mercy Corps: $69 can start a female entrepreneur in the sewing business.
GEMS (Girls Educational and Mentoring Services) is a New York-based organization supporting American girls who have been prostituted, trafficked, or otherwise sexually abused.
No matter what anyone gives you or does for you, be grateful. Recent studies show that acknowledging gratitude wards off depression, and that being grateful for five things a day is the best elixir for coping with the holidays.
Didi Lorillard answers questions at NewportManners.com, and is grateful to GoLocalProv for including her columns on manners and etiquette. You can also find Didi on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Klout, after you've read her earlier columns on GoLocalProv, listed below:
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