A couple of months ago we moved into a new apartment (me, my husband, and our young son), and we have an awkward problem with our neighbors in the apartment next to ours. We can hear them having sex. A lot. This can happen any time of the day or night, and it’s loud. Not the kind of thing you can ignore or that you have to be completely silent to hear. We were already embarrassed once when one of our parents was visiting for the first time. We changed rooms and put some music on, but I’m looking for a more permanent solution. We don’t know them at all, but they’re a young couple (no surprise) and have seemed nice when our paths have briefly crossed. I don’t want to make this a big deal, but I don’t want to just live with it either, and I just don’t know the best way to go about it without embarrassing them. Any suggestions?
The fact that you’re being disturbed by the sounds of enthusiastic sex makes this problem seem more delicate and complicated than it really is. Boil it down: your new neighbors are making too much noise and it’s disruptive to you and probably to other neighbors as well. It doesn’t really matter what the source of the noise is – I’d do the same thing I’d do if the TV were too loud. (Well, maybe I’d wait until the sounds have subsided for a while.) Knock on the door, nicely ask if you can speak to them a minute, acknowledge it’s an awkward conversation to have, but for the sake of their own privacy, they should know that it’s very easy to hear them when they’re being intimate, and you would really appreciate it if they could be a little more discreet. Try to separate the nature of the noise from the disturbance it’s causing you. And my TV example may not be so far off: I once had a friend who thought she had the same problem you do. It turned out to be porn movies on a television.
Dear John,
Almost thirty years ago, my husband had an affair. I was heartbroken when I found out about it, but I loved him and believed he loved me and I worked very, very hard to regain my trust in him. I hope you understand what I mean when I say he was not the “affair” type, and I have never regretted for a moment that we didn’t give up on our marriage. He’s a good man who did one bad thing. It sounds a bit clichéd, but I think in many ways we emerged from the ordeal closer and better partners.
I rarely even think about this period in our lives, so I was quite surprised when my husband told me he had learned the woman he had an affair with (an acquaintance of mine at the time whom he hasn’t had any contact with since then) is seriously ill, probably doesn’t have much longer, and that he would like to visit her before her condition makes that an impossibility. (He learned about her health issues from a friend and has no idea if she would even welcome a visit from him.) I asked him why he would want to do such a thing and he can’t really give me a satisfactory answer beyond saying I don’t have anything to fear, she was a friend once, and he wants to say goodbye. And I just don’t know how to react this. It goes without saying this is not about any worry that any of the old spark between them remains; I feel more blindsided and confused than anything, and it has dredged up some old feelings, as you might imagine. I told him I was not keen on the idea but that I would give it some thought, but obviously, time is of the essence. What do you think? Is this something I should just go along with if I only have vague, mild misgivings? Why would he even want to do this?
Sincerely,
Surprised
Dear Surprised,
The fact that your husband discussed this with you instead of just contacting her without your knowledge shows that he doesn’t have some ulterior motive. You should give him your blessing – I suspect that if they end up seeing each other, all that will happen is a very sick woman will spend a badly needed pleasant hour or two catching up with someone she once knew. That would be a gracious gift for you to give them both.
Why might he want to do this? That’s hard for me to speculate on, but perhaps this has rattled him more than he will admit, not because he harbors any feelings for her, but because her illness is a stark reminder of his own mortality. You didn’t find his answer satisfying, but there may be no more to it than he said: she was a friend once, and he wants to say goodbye.
Dear John,
A relative who shall remain nameless gave our son a toy gun for Christmas. Yes, it’s obviously a toy, not a realistic-looking replica or anything, but a gun is a gun as far as my husband and I are concerned. And we had no idea this was what they were giving him – they know we never would have gone for that, so they didn’t say anything, just went ahead and did it anyway. (Not completely out of character for this particular relative.) We know how to deal with the real culprits here and have done so, but my question is, how do we handle this issue with our son? I don’t want to raise a boy who thinks that violence is ever okay, but how do I explain taking away a present that he was so delighted to get?
Signed,
Zero Tolerance
Dear Zero Tolerance,
The best way to explain something like this to a kid is to be clear, to the point, and to give no indication that further discussion will change anything. Take the gun and explain to him that you and your husband do not think guns are suitable toys for kids because the only purpose of a gun in real life is to hurt a person or animal (or however you want to express it.) Convey this with some finality so he doesn’t get the impression that a campaign of pleading on his part may get him his gun back. Then wrap up your conversation by reassuring him that this is simply a family rule, not some kind of punishment, so you will be happy to substitute an appropriate gift of his choosing for the gun that you’re taking away.
Related Slideshow: 13 Biggest Music Stories in RI in 2013
Local music legend John Macauley of Deer Tick, and world renowned singer-songwriter Vanessa Carlton came to Providence in January to headline a show to benefit The Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence.
Here is music critic Rob Duguay's review of the show:
This past Saturday at the upstairs stage of The Columbus Theatre on Broadway in the heart of the West End of Providence, a magnificent display of music took place to benefit The Institute for the Study and Practice of Nonviolence. Deer Tick's John McCauley & Ian O'Neil, Vanessa Carlton, Smoota and Caroline Hecht were on a star-studded bill for an experience that was guaranteed to be a memorable one. It's always great when talented people come together for a worthy cause, and in this day and age this was needed more than ever. Read More
Bringing an eclectic mixture of Piedmont blues, country, ragtime jazz, and traditional folk, the Carolina Chocolate Drops came into town to headline a Sunday night show at Lupo's Heartbreak Hotel in April.
GoLocal Music Critic was there for the show, and he claimed this to be one of the best shows he attended in 2013:
Class was in session Sunday night at Lupo’s as theCarolina Chocolate Drops provided a crash course in traditional African American music. Their style, which fuses Piedmont Blues, jug band country, ragtime jazz and traditional folk, delighted the crowd. Sounding straight out of a juke joint in Mississippi, (or North Carolina, where the band hails from), their music is infectious. Read More
Featuring some of the best local acts from all different genres, GoLocal music critic Rob Duguay organized the first annual Artistic Explosion Music Festival, a week-long multi-venue show to raise money for Girls Rock! and the Rhode Island Music Educators Association.
By all counts, the event was a tremendous success.
For the second straight year, Kim "Giggles" Madden put together Providence's 24 Hour Music Project benefit. This year, all proceeds from the event and concert went to benefit music education in Rhode Island's public schools.
Rob Duguay was on hand for the CD release party in October:
One of the most inspiring things I've encountered in Providence is the 24 Hour Music Project. Started by Kim "Giggles" Madden last year, a star-studded compilation album of the Creative Capital's finest musicians benefits victims of domestic violence. This time around, another album was made to benefit music education in public schools, another noble cause with an ensemble cast of local musical talents. On Sunday at The Spot, the release of the second 24 Hour Music Project album was celebrated with an amazing show that had Dan Dodd, Dylan Sevey & The Gentlemen, Wake and Baker, P. Lowe, Galactic Alliance and Resin ED jammin' on two stages. There's no better way to spend your Sunday than supporting a great cause, and the Spot was the prime destination to do just that. Read More
Tuscon Arizona's Colexico, according to GoLocal music critic Ken Abrams, sounds like "a Tex-Mex meal - you don’t always know exactly what’s in it, but it tastes delicious."
Well, Colexico paid a visit to the Ocean State in June, and Abrams was in the crowd for the festivities.
Since Park Theatre massive renovation and reopening, the Cranston venue has become a great spot for live music in Rhode Island, and have drawn some very impressive names.
In October, blues legend Buddy Guy stopped by, and music critic Ken Abrams was there:
Last Friday night at the Park Theatre, the nation’s leading ambassador of the Blues made a triumphant stop in Rhode Island. For the second consecutive year, Buddy Guy filled the Park to its 1006-seat capacity, a rare feat for a performer labeled a “Blues” artist. Before the night ended, it was clear why – he is one of the finest performers on tour today. Read More
Legendary Detroit Motown band, the Temptations stopped by Cranston's Park Theatre in December, bringing with them their classics.
Music critic Ken Abrams was front and center for this once-in-a-lifetime R&B experience:
A warm welcome greeted The Temptations Sunday night in Cranston as the Park Theatre hosted a sold out show by the legendary Detroit band. The award winning R&B group thrilled those in attendance with classic hits along with some new songs. Read More
Legendary Seattle grunge rocker Chris Cornell is known for rocking hard with Soundgarden, Temple of the Dog, Audioslave, and Pearl Jam; but when he came into Providence in November, he left the wires behind for an acoustic show on the newly-renovated stage at The Vets:
Normally, one would think of Chris Cornell as the vocalist who can peel the paint off walls with Seattle legends Soundgarden, but recently he's been doing a solo acoustic tour that's been getting a lot of attention. This past Tuesday he made a stop at The Veterans Memorial Auditorium for an experience that exuded soothing songs that hit straight to the heart. Bhi Bhiman opened things up as well, it was going to a memorable evening. Chris Cornell at his genuine best, what more could you ask for? Read More
What could be better than a warm summer night in Newport? How about when you are there to see THE name in Blues, BB King? Well, GoLocal Music criticRob Duguay was lucky enough to be in attendance for this show at the Newport Yachting Center in July:
As a live music fanatic, when I hear that a legend is coming through The Ocean State it's a no-brainer that I have to come check it out. When it's a bluesman like B.B. King performing, saying its a no-brainer is a vast understatement, it's more like a spiritual expedition. The King Of The Blues headlined a fantastic night at The Newport Yachting Center as part of The Sunset Music Series with Providence rocksteady soul group Boo City opening up the show, you knew it was going to be one of the top shows of the summer. The whole time I was here I had to remind myself that one of my favorite musicians of all time in B.B. King as well as pinch myself a few times. The guy is pushing 90 and still tours like he was in his mid-20s and still can strum Lucille better than anybody else, Newport was definitely the hotspot for a once in a lifetime chance to see a musician who will go down as one of the greatest ever. Read More
Legendary singer-songwriter, Bob Dylan passed through the Ocean State in April, making a stop at URI's Ryan Center. GoLocal music critic Ken Abrams made the trek down to South County for the show:
Bob Dylan’s “Never Ending Tour” rolled into the Ryan Center on Monday night. The band is currently on a college campus swing, and featured a new addition, RI’s own Duke Robillard on lead guitar. Read More
A Dunkin Donuts Center crowed was graced by the presence of music royalty in November when Elton John came into Providence for an unforgettable 28-song performance:
Elton John made a triumphant return to Providence Saturday night, making the Dunkin Donuts Center the second stop on his Diving Board Tour. Expectations were high for the near capacity crowd and Sir Elton did not disappoint. He covered a number of hits in his 28 song set, including a full album side from “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.” Read More
Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend; the remaining members of one of the most highly-celebrated rock and roll supergroup of all-time, the Who, finished up the US leg of their World Tour at the Dunkin Donuts Center in February:
On Tuesday at The Dunkin' Donuts Center in downtown Providence, rock & roll legends The Who rocked the joint for the last show of the United States leg of The Quadrophenia and More Tour that has been sweeping the globe since last year. Opening the night were Los Angeles' rock & roll souls Vintage Trouble and it was bound to be one of the memorable shows in Providence's music history. There are rock bands and then there's The Who, it was very clear that the best way to enjoy the first half of your week was to be at The Dunk on Tuesday. Read More
Summer in Newport -- shopping, beaches, sailing, dining, and LIVE MUSIC. Aquidneck Island comes alive when the weather warms up, and once you get beyond Thames Street, music festivals dominate the scene. In 2013, GoLocal' music critics were on hand for three great music festivals in Newport:
