Dear John: Love Poem Too Little, Too Late
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Is it because no one at home listens to all his good advice? Maybe. But lucky for you, he's here, he's ready to advise, and all you need to do is ask. Which you can do by writing to [email protected].
Dear John,
Should I make known to a girl a poem I wrote her, even though we are no longer going to be together, only because I want her to see what I did for her?
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There Once Was A Boy From Pawtucket
Dear Boy From Pawtucket,
Was your lack of candor about your motives one of the reasons you broke up?
You don't want to show her your poem so she can see what you did for her; you want to show it to her so she can finally understand how much you belong together, right? You want to divert her attention from whatever it was you didn't do for her.
When someone decides to end a relationship, there is nothing that more effectively steels his or her resolve than a partner who refuses to accept the breakup. Sending a poem you wrote doesn't make you seem romantic. It makes you seem a little pathetic, followed by creepy if the torrents of verse don't subside.
I know you're sad, but the sooner you accept that your relationship is over, the sooner you can start to feel not-sad. And next time you're in a relationship, remember that the time to send poems is when things are great, not after they fall apart.
Dear John,
I had taken on the responsibility to house-sit for a family that I usually babysit for and happen to be extremely close with. The family has 3 dogs, 2 cats, and fish that I have to feed while they vacation for the next week.
As I said, I have close ties with this family, and they probably thought this gig would give me a way to escape from my own house. Actually this isn't convenient for me by any means. I already live on my own and have to go to the house constantly during the course of the day to care for the animals. The father had already messaged me saying that he left me $100 for house-sitting and wants to know what the total fee will be - but I sort of feel awkward telling him that I deserve more then $100. What should I do... just keep the $100 and keep my mouth shut or approach him when he gets back and say that I want more? Kind of a tough situation since I am very close with this family as is. HELP!
Sincerely,
Babysitting Yes, House-sitting Not So Much
Dear Babysitting,
It's understandable that you have grown close with these people - caring for their children brings you into the fabric of their family more than almost any other job. But let's not forget that's exactly what this is: a job. And let's treat it that way.
You have to approach this like any professional who provides a service. Determine what you think a fair hourly rate is for your work. (It should probably be a bit less than you charge when babysitting since you don't want to give them the impression that babysitting, house-sitting, whatever, it's all the same to you!) Then make up a detailed invoice listing exactly when you were there, what you did, how long it took, and the grand total.
Since you're so friendly with this family, you can offer to be flexible if this is more than they were expecting it to cost. But there¹s no reason to be reluctant to charge a fair price for this valuable service. Anything less isn't a job. It's a favor.
Dear John,
I'm a paid organist at a church in a nearby town. I'm not a member of the church, but I've worked there for nearly four years and am warmly embraced by the parishioners. Recently, I was asked to play at the funeral of a member of the congregation... someone I didn't really know. Here's the thing: I was paid, as was a soloist who sang, and both checks were made out to cash (usually my check is made out to my name). The soloist, who knew the deceased, refused to keep the money. I saw him place it in the collection tray.
I'm holding on to my check, because I need the money, but now I'm feeling pretty guilty about cashing it. Should I have donated it? If they didn't expect me to do so, why'd they make it out to "cash?"
Signed,
Guilty
Dear Guilty,
Boy, it's easy to make you feel guilty. Was this a Catholic church, by any chance?
I'm sure you put a lot of time, money, and effort into becoming a musician. Now you have a skill very few people have. It's perfectly reasonable to expect to be paid for your playing.
I have no idea why they made the check out to cash, but it doesn't really matter. Even if their intention was to make it easy for you to give the money back, you are under absolutely no obligation to do so.
You know you've got a problem. And you need some solid advice. Send it off today to [email protected]. Make it interesting enough and he'll probably write back. In front of a million of your closest friends.
