Modern Manners + Etiquette: Cellphone Crimes
Monday, January 16, 2012
Mobile phone etiquette affects others. The consensus is, "Spare us from iPorn!" So far, concerns in 2012 are all about the communication gap caused by terminally rude cellphone use. The news is, "Porn Apps on their way to Android." Most people don't have a problem with adult entertainment, what they want to know about is how etiquette is keeping up with technology. Once dreaded, small talk is now coveted.
'The Phone Stack'
Dear Didi, It's so totally annoying to be having a meal with my friends when their iPhones and Androids are always buzzing and theirs eyes are glued to texting, twittering or Facebook. It's no fun, I just hate it. First it's just one of my friends on his device, but before long everyone at the table is on their smartphone! I'm left wondering why we're having dinner if everyone is somewhere else? It seems like a competition to see who is the most popular, the kid with the most buzzes. Is there some cool way I can get my friends to turn off their phones when we have a meal together without seeming like a total crazy person? Thanks in advance for your help. Whitney
Dear Whitney, Take a firm stand on the notion that even in today's evolving, ever-changing world there is a need for etiquette and a subliminal desire to follow rules. Even if you have to make up the rules as you go along. Next time you dine with friends initiate an etiquette game called 'The Phone Stack.' It works like this: After the waiter has taken the orders suggest that everyone place their device in front of them on the table or stacked in the center of the table face down. The first person who can't resist picking up their smartphone's siren song, is responsible for paying the bill. It's a game of who can control their impulses. Believe me, your friends will think twice before answering their buzz. It's an inescapable fact that it's cool to be intelligent, fun to exercise restraint, and absolutely necessary to be able to engage in smart conversation. Next time you dine together, your friends will automatically turn off their fancyfones before stacking them in the middle of the table. As silly as this game may be, try it. The game also works if you're just having drinks after work with coworkers or coffee with your mother. ~Didi
Droid Porn
Dear Didi, Recently, on a packed cross-continent flight I had to book at the last moment, I found myself squeezed in between two other passengers for four hours. Much to my surprise the very straight man to my right started watching hard core porn on his Droid after the plane took off. I had seen the featured airline movie so when my eyes tired after reading for an hour I found myself peeking at my seat mate's mobile porn. At first it seemed amusing, easier than having to make small talk, but then I started to feel physically ill. There was no way out. After he came back from the restroom I tried to start a conversation but the guy was so addicted to his Droid that I couldn't distract him. And what would we talk about? He was obviously much more interested in what was happening on his screen. Tempting to watch but too hard core for my taste. I had witnessed the person on my left downing little pills before take off, so sleeping like a baby she was no help. I wanted him to turn off his porn, but didn't know how to get through to him because he seemed transfixed. What would you have done? Blake
Dear Blake, In a perfect world on an unpacked plane, you should have been able to make your way to the stewards' kitchen to request an interference. Or at the very least, to ask for a seat change or sleeping pill. In the future, if there isn't an empty seat to take, make small talk and become the devil's advocate. "Wow, I didn't know you could see that on a Google smartphone! What's the name of that App?" Now you are on common ground, or should I say the same wave length. Engage him in questions about the App, how to get it, what phones have it, how much it costs? Be curious, learn what you can about his fancyfone and you'll be taking the conversation away from the subject of adult porn to what could be an interesting discussion about the device and technology in general. Ask him if he has any game applications (hoping they aren't hard core) that he can show you. Turning it into a game of show and tell would make it hard for him to break-off the conversation to go back to his saucy porn. Lead the small talk to being all about him and get him talking. Most people love nothing better than to talk about themselves; then you can easily turn it into an intelligent conversation. Maybe next trip he'll have the good sense to keep his Droid in his pants. ~Didi
Didi Lorillard answers questions on her Web site, NewportManners.com, about the relationships between people and their devices and vices. Find her on Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn, after you've read her GoLocalProv columns listed below.
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