Bradley Expert: How to Talk to Kids About Osama Bin Laden’s Death
Saturday, May 07, 2011
World events this week brought the killing of Osama Bin Laden to Rhode Island's doorstep, particularly via Facebook. How should parents engage their youngsters in conversation about this news? Bradley Hospital's Oana Costea, MD, unit chief of the hospital's children's inpatient program, offers guidance for concerned parents.
What do I say to my children about the death of Osama Bin Laden?
While children may not watch news programs or read the newspaper, chances are that they have some knowledge about major events from commercials for the news, word of mouth, overheard conversations and from school. The first rule of thumb is to keep misinformation to a minimum and ask your child what he/she knows and answer his/her questions sensitively. The goal is to provide minimum information in a clear, accurate/honest and developmentally appropriate manner but at the same time encourage children to ask questions as they come up. It is important to consider that developmentally, younger children may not understand the concept of death and also children younger than 10 may have very limited knowledge about Bin Laden.
How do I bring this up?
Listen for comments or questions about what's going on, and begin the conversation there. If your child doesn't bring up the topic, the best way to find out what your child knows is simply ask: "Did you hear about X?".
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTAnd is there an appropriate age at which to begin this kind of conversation?
Parents know their children the best in terms of their ability to comprehend concepts such as death, their curiosity or interest in news coverage/events and their emotional reactions (e.g. being prone to fear, worries, sadness). That should inform the decision about the approach to this conversation in terms of "when?", "how?" and "how much?".
What if my child has heard someone say, "He deserved to die." How do I respond to that?
It is likely very challenging for children to comprehend the images of adults celebrating Bin Laden's death without fully understanding who he was and what he did. Parents' own feelings, thoughts and values will tailor their response to this question. However, it is important to avoid leaving the child with the understanding that death is a reason for celebration. Along those lines, it would helpful to reframe the circumstances and provide the child with an understanding of what Bin Laden's existence and death signifies.
My child is worried that our actions might spur more violence toward Americans. What do I tell him?
Provide reassurance to the child that the adults are working very hard to keep everyone safe, while trying to avoid using statements such as "this will never happen". It would be important for the parents to monitor their children's overall functioning and emotional reactions during this period as children express/manifest their worries differently. While some children are able to verbalize their fears and worries, others manifest them through sleep or appetite disturbance or behavioral changes (e.g. withdrawal, agitation). In those situations, parents should provide additional support and reassurance and also encourage the child to verbalize their feelings and to ask questions.
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