Q: Is Newport’s New Five Guys Burgers and Fries Worth A Visit? A: No.
Friday, August 20, 2010
The burger at Five Guys Burgers and Fries was just named Best Burger in the country in Zagat's Fast Food Survey, beating out perennial favorite In-N-Out. So when a Five Guys finally opened in Newport, I thought it would be a good idea to take a taste for GoLocalProv. Sometimes I have very bad ideas. I wasn't under the impression that I was going to get a great meal or even a hormone-free, healthy meal for that matter. But with all the news stories and buzz, I did think I was going to enjoy the burger from Five Guys. Sadly, those people Zagat surveyed are so very, very wrong.
Now before you say, this guy's a bad judge, he's a food advocate, works with farmers and chefs who produce real food (oh no!), it's true I don't generally frequent fast food restaurants. I'm not opposed to fast food by any means, I frequently get iced drinks from Starbucks and Dunkin' Donuts, have a sandwich at Panera Bread occasionally and I would even call myself a regular diner at Chipotle, which I happily feed to my daughter. I'm opposed to bad food.
Why, for example, must Five Guys cook all their burgers well done to "Meet or exceed health code standards for ground beef?" Because as we've seen in a number of national news stories over the last several years, the farming system that is able to supply thousands of heads of cattle to grind into millions of pounds of hamburger, has a little problem with bacteria (E. coli O157:H7) in the hamburger.
GET THE LATEST BREAKING NEWS HERE -- SIGN UP FOR GOLOCAL FREE DAILY EBLASTFive Guys cooks their burger by smashing the patties onto a hot flattop, essentially frying all the fat and moisture away leaving a pretty lifeless, gray, drab, dry cooked meat that they put on a nothing-special sesame seed bun. It's not a hockey puck of flavorlessness that you'd get from a McDonald's, and there is beef there, but it's not tasty. Adding toppings such as tomato, onions or any number of sauces certainly adds back some flavor and moisture, but not enough to compensate for the lack of tastiness.
I will give Five Guys praise for the other food item in their name. Their fries were great. There were big bags of Idaho potatoes on the floor of the restaurant. The name of the farm in Idaho they came from was clearly out for all to see. The potatoes were fresh cut and hanging out above the fryers, waiting to be fried for each order, not pre-fried and sitting under a heat lamp. Why could they go to this extent for the fries and not the burgers? If I only wanted fries, I would happily go in and order some again.
One last note: cost. A burger, fries and drink at Five Guys would cost a little over $9.00. I'm not an advocate of cheap food. I think everyone should have access to affordable food, but I'm not sure why you would try and save a buck on something you're putting inside yourself. There are pizza places and sandwich shops nearby in Newport that make real food from scratch that will cost you $9.00 or less for a meal.
In a great coincidence, food writer Josh Ozersky, who literally wrote the book on burgers: The Hamburger: A History was interviewed on CNBC about burger chains the same day I chose to go to Five Guys. He dismissed the chain in his spoken comments and then, when Ozersky posted the video clip to his Twitter feed and Facebook page later in the day he wrote, "Note how profoundly disgusting the Five Guys burgers look. Those Zagat voters must have been as high as Wavy Gravy." If only I watched CNBC.
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